Jess
by Maya Perez
Summary: College life was proving far different than what Jessica had expected.  Then she meets a mysterious reclusive scholar and soon nothing would be the same.
1. Chapter 1

The last thing she planned to do when coming to Stanford was get interested in anyone. She had plans, time frames, and schedules to keep. There was no room in her life for a significant other.

Not that some people would take the hint.

Jess spied Roger from the corner of her eye making a beeline for her past the other students gathering their books and heading out of class. "Becky, roadblock, _please_?"

Her roommate glanced past her and saw the jock coming. She nodded, though she didn't look too happy about it.

Jess grabbed her backpack and booked. "Thanks. Sorry. I'll make it up to you!"

She hated these weed out classes. They'd let anyone in them. And she'd already had her fill of testosterone filled jocks in high school. How could they think that just because they threw a ball of dead pigskin, girls should be dying to worship at their feet and give in to all their whims? As if. And these were the same idiots who liked to assume that since she was blond and could pass as pretty, she was a total idiot. They wished. She'd learned a whole lot of things in high school -- some of them the hard way. She wasn't about to make college a repeat of that unwanted mess.

Guess she'd been naïve to think it wouldn't be the same old thing here though. But getting accepted at Stanford wasn't easy, darn it! Would her hair and face label her as less than she was her whole life? Maybe dying it black and getting a wicked scar or something would make everyone think of her differently. She laughed. Her parents would _kill_ her.

Jess cut across Alvarado Row toward Canfield Court as students peppered the manicured lawns and a soft breeze trickled through the shading trees on either side of the main walkways.

As she came around the corner of the red trimmed CERAS building, she found her path blocked by a top-heavy brunette. "Are you Jessica Moore?"

The question caught her by surprise. She didn't think she'd ever seen this girl before. "Yes? Can I help you?"

"Oh, you can help me all right." The smirk on the too red lips wasn't friendly. "You can keep your filthy mitts off of Roger, is what."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't act dumb, you _hussy_. I know your type. Play hard to get, get the boys all worked up, then dump them after you've bled them dry." She threw her hair back over her shoulder with a practiced flick of her wrist. Talk about dramatic. "Well, I'm not letting you do that to our up and coming quarterback."

Jess had to work to stifle a laugh. Talk about clichéd meetings. "Look, I have absolutely no interest in Roger, or the Cardinals, or anything to do with jocks for that matter."

She really wasn't sure why Roger had even marked her as his latest to be 'conquest'. He'd been in the school newspaper once or twice, seemingly his sports scholarship and induction into the Cardinal's team well deserved. Though all he'd done last semester was boast about his 'bodacious' touchdown, as if that were going to make his grades in English any better. He'd had enough groupies then, though she didn't remember seeing this one. Was it her fault she'd yawned upon hearing that darn tale for the umpteenth time? How was she supposed to know it would turn him on and suddenly make her his number one project?

She'd hoped once the semester was over she'd seen the last of him. But somehow he ended up in another of her classes for the spring -- twice as intent at getting her to be his as before. Such a total pain!

"I don't believe you."

She was really getting tired of this woman's attitude. "That's not my problem now, is it? I would suggest you take this up with Roger." Jess shoved past her and instead of going toward the post office, as had been her original intention, she quickly made her way up Canfield Court into the pink Meyer Library building. Glancing back to see if she was being followed, she hurried a little more to make it out the exit on the other side.

What now? Jess sighed, feeling this would probably be but the first of many unwanted confrontations.

English was her last class of the day, but going back to the dorm was out. It would be the first place Roger or his cronies would expect her to go. Adelfa was co-ed but each floor was split by gender, unlike several of the other dorms where the rooms were mixed. That was one small blessing, at least. No males were allowed upstairs. Skanky females were another matter altogether though.

She didn't really want to bring any trouble to her two roommates. The best thing she could do was stay away as much as possible. Still, she needed somewhere to hang till curfew. Where were those idiots least likely to look for her?

She hurried past the School of Education building and her face cleared as she spotted the red Spanish tiled roofed structure north of there, past the red hoop fountain -- the Cecil H Green library. No way they'd think to look for her there. Most of the place was for very specific resources, mainly in sociology and statistics, unlike the more general contents of the Meyer.

Checking around to see if anyone was watching, she made her way over to the three-story building. The map at the U-shaped information desk showed not only two floors above the first, but a basement that included a student reading area. Sounding promising, Jess took the stairs down.

The reading area was an open space dead in the middle of the floor and offered no concealment whatsoever. Maybe this place wouldn't work out as well as she'd hoped.

Already down there, she decided to look at the rest of the floor, just in case. Two long rooms opened on either side of the reading area full of shelf after shelf of books. The bookcases were black and towered above her, volumes crammed into every available space. The lighting was staggered, coating the room with gloom. The unmistakable smell of paper was heavy in the air.

Walking down one of the rows, she could almost imagine them going on forever. It was with some relief that she reached the end and could touch the wall. Turning left, away from the entrance, she saw that in the room's far corner was a small table with two chairs, a small lit lamp a bright oasis around them. As she came close, she wondered who could possibly want to be this secluded from the world. Sitting here, you could easily forget that time, the school, or anything else for that matter, existed. A tiny, unwanted chill coursed down her back.

This wouldn't do. She'd need to find somewhere else.

Jess turned and noticed that at the end of the long room there was another small table like this one. To her amazement, she found someone was actually using it. She couldn't tell much from this far back about the user, aside that he was male and had dark hair. His chair had been turned so the back was against the corner, the table and the stacks of books on it forming a scholarly wall of protection. It was one of the loneliest set ups she'd ever seen. Yet at the same time, him being there made her feel not quite so alone and isolated.

Changing her mind, she removed her backpack and sat down at one of the chairs at her end. Pretty sure the character at the other wasn't going anywhere for a while, she pulled out her own books and started to study.

Time slowly ticked away.

Stretching with a wide yawn, Jess checked her watch. It was almost ten. Dinner had been a Coke and bag of Doritos from the reading area's vending machines during one of her frequent potty breaks. Each time then, as she did now, she glanced down the way to check on her recluse. He was still there, looking as if he'd not moved one inch the whole time.

Shaking her head, she gathered her things and left.


	2. Chapter 2

"Dammit!"

Jess ducked back inside the rounded column façade of the Geology Corner building. Roger and one of his football cronies were standing out in the open area in front. With as huge a campus as Stanford was, the chances of him being there by mere coincidence were totally astronomical. Had he somehow gotten a hold of her class schedule? Just thinking someone might have violated her privacy like that made her blood boil. She'd hoped to at least be free of Roger's pestering on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Now what was she going to do?

She took a peek past the column and saw the two of them were still there, waiting. At least the façade's overhang made it hard to see inside. Rather than go back into the building, she moved with the tide of students down the covered walk. She tried to scrunch down a little as she was forced out into the sunlight, hoping to hide enough of herself that she wouldn't be seen. She ditched into the first available structure at the Quad and worked herself from one to another around to the other side.

By the time she made it to the library, between looking over her shoulder and feeling like some kind of walking target, she was exhausted. She snuck down to the reading area in the basement. Seeing that it was mostly deserted, she raided the vending machines, in for another night of less than ideal food.

Dragging her small hoard, she entered the basement stacks and headed for the small area she used the day before. Not surprisingly, it was available. What did surprise her, however, was that the other table at the far end was being used. And if her eyes weren't playing tricks on her, it was by the same guy as before.

Not daring to question her luck, in this anyway, she pulled out her books and got to work. At least there were no distractions here, but it sure did make for a lame evening.

#

"Maybe you should just give in and go on a date with him."

Jess stopped brushing her hair and stared in disbelief at her red headed roommate. "Shirl, are you crazy? He's a jock! And a total jerk to boot."

Her friend wouldn't meet her gaze. "He's not bad looking though. You could do a lot worse." Her voice was small. "I wouldn't mind dating him."

"Then why _don't you_?" Jess slammed the brush down on the desk harder than she meant to. It had been a long, tiring week.

"Aw, common, Jess, don't get mad at her. She's just trying to help." Becky came out of the closet, the clothes she planned to wear for the day in hand.

"I know…it's just!" Jess threw her hands in the air not sure how to vocalize her growing frustration. "It feels like he's stalking me, okay? And his other wanna be girlfriends are giving me a hard time, too. This is not what I came to college for!"

Shirl's lightly freckled face turned beet red.

"Maybe not you, but…" Becky laughed out loud, glancing at Shirl.

The shorter girl stood up in a huff. "Not all of us want to be braniacs and prove we're better than men. Some of us don't actually mind being taken care of!"

"Oh, Shirl, I didn't mean anything. Please wait!" Jess stood up from her chair, not entirely sure what she would say, but her roommate stormed out never giving her a chance to try.

She sighed, her shoulders slumping. College wasn't supposed to be like this.

Becky scrunched down next to her. "Don't worry about her. She'll be all right." Her friend glanced in the direction of the closed door. "Honestly? I think she's a little jealous of you."

Jess sighed again. "I don't see what about. Not at _all_."


	3. Chapter 3

After the first week of running to the library for privacy, Jess bought bread, peanut butter, jelly, and other foods she could keep in the dorm, so she could make herself dinner in the morning and stuff it into her backpack for later. Total junk food diets would only take her so far.

Much to her surprise, every time she went to the library, her scholar was there. Luckily, she noticed that his clothes changed from day to day, otherwise she would have started doubting that he ever left.

She totally looked forward to the weekends. With all the study time she got during the week, she ended up pretty much free for the two days, and with her roommates as companions and the lack of a schedule by which anyone might attempt to intercept her movements and cause her grief, she almost felt free.

By the end of the second week it got to the point she couldn't take the same route twice to the library. She now wore running shoes every day, so she could take off the moment the bell rang, and a dark hat was folded in her backpack, with which to hide her telltale wavy blonde hair.

Little gifts kept being left in the dorm mailbox – flowers, chocolates, signed pictures of Roger. Despite her repeated requests, Shirl wouldn't throw them away when she found them, but would bring them to the room and set them on Jess' bed. Whenever she got home, Jess would just grab them and toss them in the trash. She didn't know why the redhead bothered. She doubted she and Shirl had spoken much at all since the argument. Not that coming in late every night gave them much of a chance. By weird silent agreement they both tried to pretend every thing was fine whenever Becky was around, which was most of the time.

Jess was getting very tired of the whole thing. She just possessed no idea what to do about it.

She tossed her backpack into the extra chair at her usual spot at the library and plopped down into hers. As had become habit, she glanced down the way to see if her scholar was there. It was rather sad how it perked up her day to see him there.

But who was he? Why was he down here every day? Was he that ugly? Totally socially inept? An ubber geek hermit?

It was none of her affair. She had enough problems of her own right now. But though she took out her books and opened them to her assignments, today she couldn't concentrate. More and more, she found her gaze straying across the long distance to the man sitting down the way.

Before she could really think about what she was doing, Jess set her book aside and rose to her feet. Surely getting a closer look at him wouldn't hurt, would it? Then maybe she could focus properly again.

She took the usual route toward the room's exit but didn't go out the door. Instead she went on down toward the other end of the stacks. She went around the last bookshelf junction before the wall and pretended to browse at the titles as she came close to the last set. Pulling out a book from the final stand of shelves, she half turned and took a peek past the black shelving.

The first thing that struck her was that his legs were long. The table and chairs seemed way too short for him. At the moment, he was leaning forward, taking notes on something he was reading. He seemed very intent, his long dark brown bangs hiding much of his face.

Jess bit her lip, leaning out a little more, trying to get a better look. She noticed him go suddenly still, and felt her own heart leap to her throat. Though she couldn't explain it, she was suddenly sure he knew she was there. Pulling quickly back, she shoved the book into the shelf and made a quick retreat.

She left the room entirely and made a pit stop, then came back as normally as possible and returned to her usual seat. Glancing his way, everything seemed the same as always. She breathed a sigh of relief.

Curiosity slightly satisfied, she made herself go back to her studies.

Over the next few days, despite her quick glimpse, her curiosity about the scholar grew and grew until it drove her half mad. But she was loath to do anything about it. As she lay awake that night, trying to go to sleep, she tore the need apart until she could understand it.

It wasn't that she really cared to find out anything one way or the other about this guy, but more of a case of her being lonely. In the dark, her roommates deep asleep, she fought to resist the urge to laugh. It was so pathetic, really. She was using her scholar as fodder for her imagination due to boredom and stress. She truly hadn't realized how outgoing and people oriented she really was until it was pretty much denied her. If it weren't for the weekends…

Yet this curiosity thing was becoming too distracting. In the three hours she spent at the library that night, she doubted she'd done a good hour's worth of work. It had to stop.

After some deep thought, she hit on what she hoped would be a solution.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hi. Mind if I sit here?" Jess felt her pulse race, having worked herself up through the day for this moment.

The scholar glanced up at her. She was a little taken aback at the rather handsome baby face and striking hazel eyes, which were revealed to her. She couldn't help but smile a little as his forehead scrunched down as he looked at her, as if wondering who she was and why in the world she would be asking him such a question. With his comely appearance, she was somewhat surprised at the reaction. Maybe he wasn't aware of how he looked? She found she rather liked the thought.

"Uh, no, please." He stood up in a rush as he realized his stuff was in the only other seat and moved to empty it, hitting his knees against the edge of the table in the process. Though she'd come here purely for getting her curiosity satisfied and him out of her system, she found her smile growing. Was she making him nervous?

She'd never seen him standing before. He was tall! Six foot three at least. Rather nice to her own five foot eleven. Jess shook her head as she took her seat. No sense in thinking about that at all – this was purely a 'getting rid of one of her many problems' exercise.

After his initial glance and panic to clear the chair, her scholar sat back down and seemed to be avidly avoiding looking her way. This was a new thing for her. Normally most males just blatantly stared if they got this close.

"I'm Jess, by the way." She stuck her hand out.

He looked up at her, at the offered hand, and glancing away, reached out to take it. Jess made sure her grip was firm and sure, just like her father taught her. She was pleased to note his palms were dry, and his grip strong.

"I'm Sam." He gave her a shy, tentative smile, dimples forming at his cheeks.

Much to her chagrin, she thought they looked adorable. "Nice to meet you, Sam."

He nodded. "You, too." He let go her hand, picked up one of his open books, and bringing it up close to his face, leaned back into his chair.

The seat really was too small for him. She couldn't imagine sitting still like that for hours in such a chair. Must be horribly uncomfortable, poor thing. She doubted there was much furniture he found comfy though, not as tall as he was.

She was making him anxious, too. It was obvious. It tickled her for some reason. It was cute. The one thing she definitely hadn't expected her mysterious scholar to be.

Pulling out her own work, she tried not to think about it, and got on with her studies.

Insufferably, however, she found herself launching glimpses at Sam on occasion. It was kind of fascinating watching his eyes scan the pages, seeing how his brow would furrow whenever he encountered what she could only assume was a difficult passage. Occasionally, his whole face would screw itself up, as if he were battling to chew something distasteful, tearing it into more palatable chunks with his mind.

She tried to catch a glimpse of the book's title – Beyond Primitivism: Indigenous Religious Traditions and Modernity. Dang.

She was smiling again. She could feel it. How stupid was that? Then she saw him go totally still, like he had when she'd tried to peek in on him from the bookshelves. Jess held her breath, wondering if it really was what she thought, unable to look away. A moment later he glanced up over the edge of his book right at her.

Jess brought her own book up, her cheeks feeling hot. What was _that_ about? She was being ridiculous. This was just some guy. As if to prove it, she closed her book and forced herself to look right at him. "So, Sam, are you a freshman?"

She saw him pull away from his book, his eyes darting to read just one more sentence before giving her his complete attention. "Junior actually." Then after an almost breathless pause, "Yourself?"

"Oh, a sophomore." Her scholar definitely looked younger than his years.

He nodded at that, but asked nothing else. He didn't immediately go back to his book either though, as if giving time to make sure she was done. It was almost attentive in a way. She liked it. And because she did, she decided to push just a little more. "Sociology Major by chance?"

"Not exactly. It's for pre-law, the bachelor requirement."

Impressive. "So you want to be a criminal lawyer?"

Something about the statement made him smile for a second, as if at some private joke. Even so, she liked seeing it. It totally opened up his face.

"Probably not. I haven't really decided on a specialty yet. Figured I'd wait till I got in before I went that far."

A cautious scholar, too. Interesting.

"You?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing so lofty as law. Geophysics is my game. Also planning to do a Studio Art minor." She watched him closely, having encountered way too many blank stares or rolling eyes at this declaration before – because she was a woman, because she was cute, because she was blond. But instead of either of those, she actually saw his eyes spark with interest.

"Any particular area?"

He didn't balk at the geophysics, but she was sure she'd have him now. "Stanford is ranked as the top third or fourth school in the country for the field, and I'm interested in a new branch of study called computational geophysics – which are basically mathematical models and numerical simulators to describe crystal processes." If that didn't make his eyes glaze over, nothing would.

"Damn!" He grinned from ear to ear then realized what he'd said and looked away his cheeks coloring. "Sorry."

She laughed. She couldn't help herself. "Don't worry about it. It's a lot better reaction than I normally get." Who was this guy? And why bury himself down here? "I guess I should let you study."

The way he looked at her right then made her feel she didn't have to, that he might not want her to, but since he didn't actually say so, she figured she needed to do the safe thing and leave it at that.


	5. Chapter 5

She hadn't meant to do it. She really hadn't! Yet here she was again. This would be the fourth night in a row. Was she mad?

"Hi, Sam."

"Jess!" Sam stood up, his knees avoiding the table for once, and waited for her to sit down.

It hadn't escaped her how after the second time she'd shown up to share the space at the library, he started keeping the seat next to him clear in case she showed. And showed she had. This was crazy!

It wasn't as if they exchanged any more than a few pleasantries and an occasional word, but she found herself looking forward to their study time together. Though they didn't talk, she no longer felt as lonely. They had a companionable silence, which was an unusual thing. It was almost as if they shared in a mutual purpose, were working toward the same goal. It was nice. It nearly made the reasons she was actually there kind of worth it.

Reminded of her troubles, it made her think about Sam's possible reasons for being down there. She'd imagined all sorts of things over the last week to account for it, but none of them felt right. She'd not been able to help but notice a few things that added to the puzzle either.

From the first she'd known he turned the back of his seat to the corner. She'd also learned he seemed to know when someone was looking at him. Yesterday, she'd learned he could do even more. At sometime after eight she'd felt him go quiet and still as she'd seen him do before when she stared at him. Except that time, she wasn't. A minute or two later, a librarian crossed by to deposit some books into their proper slots, and then it hit her. Sam had sensed the intrusion the moment the woman entered the room!

All of a sudden his seat placement had taken a paranoid turn in her mind. It was like one of those old westerns or spy movies, where the hero or bad guys sat in the back against the wall, so no one could sneak up on them, and faced toward the entrance so they could check out everyone who came in. It was a totally strange thing to think, but she couldn't get rid of the idea once she had it. Who in the world would be coming after someone like him?

She watched him over the top of her book. She saw a small smile momentarily light his face then go away. It was as if she'd been moved to the category of safe, or even familiar, so he didn't need to check when he felt her stare anymore. Weirdly, it made her feel happy, but at the same time it was such an odd thing!

"Sam, can I ask you something?"

His gaze met hers. The white and blue striped shirt he was wearing made his eyes look blue. "Sure."

"It's going to sound weird."

This seemed to intrigue him rather than put him off. "Okay."

Jess took a deep breath and made herself come out with it. "Don't get me wrong, but… I was kind of wondering why you spend so much time down here."

He stared at her seriously. "Is that considered odd?"

He didn't know? "No! I mean, unusual, maybe. Not really odd." Oh boy, what was she saying? It was super odd! Weird. Strange. Down right queer! But then she was one to talk.

She felt a tinge of guilt, as he seemed to take her at his word. She bit the edge of her lip.

"It's just the quietest place I could find." He didn't look directly at her, as if never having told anyone about this before. "My roommates are nice and all, but terribly noisy! The whole dorm is. It's like a constant party sometimes. I can tune out a lot of stuff, but they push my limits. And to be honest, I, I don't have that much in common with them, so…this was easier."

"Oh." Nothing horrid or secretive, just a desire for peace and quiet and to be able to study. She didn't know why she felt so surprised at this, but she was.

"Why did you start coming here?" He glanced at her then looked away, as if giving her a chance to avoid the question if she wanted.

"Same reason! Weird coincidence, huh?" She let the conversation die and returned to her books. She felt like a worm. She'd brought the subject up after all. She should have expected him to be curious as well. But her reasons sounded so much like something out of some cheap soap opera, she just couldn't bring herself to admit the facts.

When she bid him goodnight right before the library closed, Jess was still feeling the ugly sting of guilt. Sam was so open, seemed so innocent. She felt horrible for not being honest. The truth though was just too embarrassing. She'd have to find a way to make it up to him.

She left the library and started off in the direction of the bookstore and Santa Teresa street. She was so deeply into her thoughts, she didn't notice someone stand up from a shadow enshrouded bench until she was too close to avoid it.

"Jessica. Darling."

Oh crap. "Roger?" She glanced quickly around her but saw no one else. The two of them were alone. "What are you doing here?"

He gave her a big smile, his chiseled features screaming handsome. His golden blond hair glinted in the walkway light, every last strand in place. He brought forward a bouquet of roses he'd been hiding behind his back. "These are for you."

Jess took a step back. "Roger. I thought I'd been quite clear before. I'm not interested." How had he found her? Were there groupies of his in the shadows or was he actually here alone?

"Come on, baby. You've never even given me a chance." He jumped forward and closed the distance between them. He grabbed her by the arm before she could back away. "That's all I'm asking for."

He tried shoving the bouquet at her, their heavy perfume splashing over her. She still wouldn't take it.

"Come on. You're a fine looking woman. I'm a damn good looking guy. I'm up and coming. We would make a great couple. You know we would."

"Roger…let go of me." She tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her.

"Darling, you've put me in a bad spot, you know? I told every one you'd be mine. All I'm asking is for a shot. We can try out a relationship and if it doesn't work out, we call it quits. What's the big deal? What would it hurt?" He reeled her in nearer, his face very close to hers.

She was starting to get mad. It was easier than feeling the fear nibbling at the back of her mind. "It would interfere with my plans, is what. And the fact I've told you over and over that I am _not_ interested. Whatever crow you have to eat for boasting to your friends that I would go out with you is not my problem."

His pretty smile frayed and died. She wondered how many hours he spent in front of the mirror perfecting it.

"That wasn't very nice."

"And accosting me in the middle of the night, is? Putting your goons to look for me all over the school, _is_?"

The grip on her arm grew tight -- painfully so. "You shouldn't talk to me like that. You'll be sorry."

His eyes turned flat, the set of his mouth mean. She could feel her pulse speed up, knowing things weren't looking good. But she couldn't back down. "Then let go of me and leave me alone. Before I bring out Big Bad Jessica and show you what's what."

Roger laughed in her face. "Big Bad Jessica? Who the hell is that? All I see is a harmless little cutie, who's going to be a good girl and cooperate. Unless she wants me to tell the whole school we've been sleeping together and what a bad lay she really is? What would that do to your pretty college experience?"

"I warned you." Before she could think about it and chicken out, Jess grabbed the pinkie of the hand he'd grabbed her with and twisted.

"Holy _shit_!" Roger dropped the bouquet, his whole body trying to follow the direction she turned his pinkie. He dropped to his knees. "You bitch!"

"Now that wasn't nice. Big Bad Jessica doesn't like people who aren't _nice_." She twisted the finger again, bending it toward the back of his hand. "I'll break it. Then how will that look?"

"No, no, don't. Please don't." His face was white with pain.

"Then I suggest you leave me alone. If you're lucky, I won't go straight to the college police and press charges." She twisted it again. "You get me?"

"YES! I get you. I do!"

"Then get the hell away! Now!" She let go of his hand and jumped back, well out of his reach.

Roger threw daggers at her with his eyes, cradling his hand.

"I don't see you moving!" She shrugged out of her backpack and grabbed it by the handle at the end. She started swinging it back and forth never taking her attention off him. If he decided to come at her, he was about to find out what five or six books felt like connecting with his face.

Roger staggered to his feet, hate glaring from him, his face screwed up in loathing. He turned away and trying to look halfway in control, shambled off.

Jess kept her backpack swinging, and spotted the bouquet of roses he'd dropped on the ground. "And by the way, asshole! Roses are lame!" She kicked at it and watched the blooms break apart as they flew in different directions.

The moment Roger was gone from sight she dropped the backpack to the ground. Her whole body shook in reaction as she slowly realized she'd gotten away with it. Big Bad Jessica had made the Stupid Jock go home! Her daddy would have been proud.

Her knees suddenly felt weak. She staggered over to the bench vacated by Roger before they gave out and dropped her to the ground. Oh god, oh god, oh god. What had just happened? What had she _done_? He would have hurt her. She was sure of it.

Her breath rushed in and out and she had to work at not hyperventilating. Hot tears stung her eyes. She hugged herself and leaned forward, trying to maintain control. All she wanted to do just then was howl.

She rocked back and forth, telling herself repeatedly that it was over, that she was fine. That she got through it. She started making herself believe it.

"Jess? Are you all right?"

She almost screamed at the sound of the voice. Adrenaline shot through her and she jumped to her feet. "Who's there?" She hoped her demand didn't sound as shaky as she felt.

"It's me. Sam."

She half turned and spotted him standing in a pool of light not ten feet from her. She'd never heard him approach.

Her legs almost gave way with relief at seeing the familiar face. Then she stiffened again. What the hell was the scholar doing here? Hadn't he told her his dorm was on the opposite side of the campus? "Are you stalking me?"

A look of panicked embarrassment rushed across his face. "N-no, it's nothing like that!" His whole face scrunched up in that way of his as he tried to stammer out an explanation. "It's just that you're always staying so late at the library. It worried me, thinking of you walking home alone. It's not safe out at night."

Despite herself, she found her heart beating just a little faster, and this time it had nothing to do with panic or fear. She could tell Sam was totally earnest. This stranger, who knew nothing of her except that she was a fellow student, was concerned about her. "I'm a big girl, you know. I _can_ take of myself."

He looked away, pressing his lips together, obviously even more mortified than before. He nervously rubbed his right palm against his thigh. "I know. I saw."

Now it was her turn to feel embarrassed. "Oh…"

"He didn't hurt you, did he?" His tone clearly implied someone would pay if he had.

Jess shook her head. She was grateful to note Sam kept his distance. She didn't think she could deal with someone invading her space right then. "I'm okay." She glanced around and spotted her discarded backpack. Retrieving it, she put it back on. She was glad to note her hands were no longer shaking. "I should get going. My roommates will be wondering where I am." She tried to give him a smile though she knew it would fall way short of the mark. "Goodnight, Sam."

She turned away, trying not to think about having to go all that distance alone.

"Jess, wait!"

She bit her lip and stopped. She half turned to look back at him. "What?"

Sam wasn't looking at her, but was staring at the tip of his shoes. His long bangs hid the expression on his face. "Would you…would you consider letting me walk you home? Or at least within sight of your dorm?" He glanced up at her then quickly looked away again. "Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't think you could make it on your own. You've obviously had some self-defense courses, or something. But I would just feel so much better if I personally knew you made it there okay. As I said before, it's not safe out at night."

Jess stared at him not entirely sure what to make of all this. Everyone knew it was never one hundred percent safe anywhere at night, heck, even during the day, but the way he said it went beyond normal for that type of thing. Was there something here she should be afraid of?

She vacillated between telling him not to worry and shivering where she stood. Then she remembered Roger. Maybe this once it wouldn't hurt to have someone escort her most of the way. "Okay. Sure."

The open relief on his face told her she'd done the right thing, even as the extreme extent of it made her wonder what she didn't know about. Perhaps he was only worrying about Roger.


	6. Chapter 6

"Should I wear the blue or the green one?" Jess held up one skirt and then the other against her hips for Becky to see.

"Depends."

"On?"

"Whether you're hoping to snag a guy tonight or not." Becky grinned. "If the answer is 'yes', then the blue, definitely the blue. Shows more of those shapely long legs of yours."

"I think I've had more than enough attention from guys around here to last me a lifetime." With a sigh, she pitched the blue skirt onto the bed.

"Oh come on, don't be such a party pooper! You never know when Mr. Right might show up. You want to be prepared."

Jess grinned in spite of herself. "Right…"

"My little brother will be there," Becky added. "He's starting in the summer quarter. Got his dorm assignment last week. I'm sure he'll be happy to protect your virtue for you." Becky crossed to the bed, picked up the skirt and waved it at her. "Come on. You know you want to."

She did like the cut of the blue better. And though she'd been very skittish for the first couple of days after the incident, she'd not seen hide or hair of Roger or his cronies outside of class. Maybe it was finally over. She took the blue skirt, dumping the green one instead. "Okay, I guess maybe I do."

"That a girl!" Becky gave her an impish smile and grabbed up the discarded skirt. "So you won't mind if I borrow this one, right?"

They both laughed.

"Say, Jess, you still spending all your free time at the library?"

"Yeah." With a small pang, she realized it might no longer be necessary for her to do that.

"Met someone there I should know about? Hm?" Becky sidled up close.

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh, I dunno." She gave Jess a coy glance. "Maybe the fact I saw you come to the end of the block with some tall fellow last night?"

Jess turned away, the question giving her butterflies for some reason. Though she recently told her roommates where she'd been spending her evenings so they wouldn't worry, she'd never once made mention of Sam. "Just a classmate. Paranoid about women walking home alone at night."

"Is that _right_?"

Jess turned back around and caught Becky's intrigued and knowing expression. "It's totally platonic. Study buddies, okay."

"If you say so." Becky's Cheshire cat expression said the total opposite. Oh, boy.

The door to the room opened. It was Shirl.

Becky waved her on in. "Hey, girl! Get the mail?"

Shirl put down a basket full of folded clothes by the door then scooped out several envelopes and a small package from inside it. "Sure did." She handed several of the letters to Becky. She tossed the package onto Jess's bed rather than give it to her directly. "That one's yours."

Jess tried really hard not to sigh. Damn that girl could hold a grudge. "Thanks."

Aside from her name and address, the paper wrapper of the package was unmarked. That seemed odd. Half frowning, she carefully peeled the paper away. Under it was a nondescript box that was tapped shut.

"Who's it from, Jess?" Becky threw two of her letters straight to the trash.

"Doesn't say." She stepped over to her desk to get the scissors. As she slid the blade across the top and sides, she suddenly wondered if she really wanted to open this. The only unsolicited mail she ever received had been either junk or things from Roger. One she could do little about. The other…

She set the scissors on the bed and just stared at the box, not moving to open it. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but not knowing would have had it killing itself anyway. She pulled the flaps of the box apart.

The first thing that hit her was the odd smell – acrid and repugnant mixed with something pleasant. Inside the box was a dead black bird, like the ones one saw hunting for food by the cafeteria's outside trash bins. It was lying in a bed of red rose petals, a bud pinned to the bird's neck.

Jess blinked, but what she saw didn't change.

"Oh my God!"

Suddenly both Shirl and Becky were there, both gaping in shock at the box. Jess grabbed it up and closed it.

Becky's face was twisted with disgust. "Who would send you such a thing? That's totally gross!"

Jess had a horrible feeling she knew exactly who sent it. Her mouth felt terribly dry. "I need to get rid of it." She turned away from her friend to head for the door. She had both arms around it, pressing the box hard against her chest, as if to shield others from being able to see the contents.

"_What did you do_?"

Shirl's unexpected shrill scream snapped Jess around.

Before she realized what was happening, the redhead was in her face, shoving her back against the wall. Though she hit it hard, she was more startled than hurt. She kept a tight grip on the box.

"What did you _do_?" Shirl's freckles grew dark as her face turned red with emotion.

"Girl, are you nuts? What are you doing?" Becky stared at their roommate as if never having seen her before.

Shirl grabbed Jess by the arms and shook her. "What did you do!"

Jess could only stare at her and do nothing. Someone sent her a dead bird and Shirl was going postal _on her_?

Becky tried to wedge herself between them. "Shirl, let go of Jess, dammit! You're acting crazy!"

Shirl turned on her, releasing Jess. "Crazy? I'm not the one that's crazy! She's the one!" She glared at Jess as if the truth should have been clearly evident.

Jess was having problems breathing, her chest unusually tight. This was all just too surreal.

"Ask her what she did to Roger to make him send that! Then we'll see who's crazy!"

The name was like a slap to the face. Jess stiffened, her vision growing sharp, the fog of the last few moments totally dissipating. "What did you say?"

Before Shirl could answer, Jess smacked her on the shoulder hard. As Shirl stumbled back a step, Jess used the box to shove her further back. "The bastard is stalking me, harassing me, sending me dead things, and all you can think about is what I might have done to _him_?

"Hey, you guys, what's…" The door into the room cracked open. Becky lunged at it, slamming it closed.

"Just an argument, guys. No big deal! Need privacy!" Though she sounded perfectly calm, the white around Becky's eyes was showing prominently.

Jess didn't care about any of it. Not Becky's confusion, not the outsider's curiosity, or even how Shirl's face was growing pale, tinges of fear appearing in her eyes. A cold fury twisted inside her, expanding as certain realizations came forward. "It was you, wasn't it?" She pushed Shirl with the box again, the dead bird rattling inside.

"Stop it…" Shirl hugged herself, her previous indignation drained away.

"You're the one who told him my schedule. You're the one who told him I'd been going to the library at night." Jess pushed her with the box again -- hard.

Shirl stumbled backward and landed with a thump on the floor. There was pain in her expression, but even better, rising dread.

She should have put this together sooner. How could she have been so _stupid_? After Becky's constant badgering, she'd finally admitted to them where she'd been going all this time. And like a good little groupie, Shirl had betrayed her and told Roger!

Her hands dented the sides of the box. She wanted nothing more than to shove it and the dead bird down the girl's throat. She shook where she stood, trying to hold back from giving in to the impulse. And she oh so wanted to give in to it.

"Jess?" Becky inched forward.

"I want you out of here. _You hear me_? I don't _ever_ want to see you anywhere near me again." She dropped the box on Shirl's lap, a few red petals escaping from the sides. With a small screech, the redhead pushed the box away. "I hope the two of you do get together. You were made for each other. _Now get the hell out_!"

Jess reared back as if to kick her. For a long drawn out moment, she almost did. Shirl scrambled around the floor to get away from her. Throwing a frightened glance in Jess's direction, Becky grabbed the other girl and helped her to her feet, propelling her toward the door.

Jess turned away, not caring, and as calmly as she could manage, walked into the bathroom, then closed and locked the door.

She dragged herself over to the sink and turned it on. She stared at the water, not really seeing it, then dipped her hands in it and brought them up to her face. She gasped, the coolness of it against her burning skin making it tingle.

She'd been betrayed. Betrayed by someone she'd considered a friend. She'd been accused. She'd been sold out.

Jess suddenly bent over, dropping to the floor, the words feeling like punches to her gut.

An unintelligible noise escaped her throat. Then she curled up where she lay and cried.


	7. Chapter 7

She shouldn't be here. She didn't want to be here. Being with other people was the last thing Jess needed right now.

But Becky had been relentless. First coaxing her out of the bathroom. Then telling her over and over that she'd done the right thing. That Shirl was totally out of line. Then somehow convincing her to get dressed. Going on about how they shouldn't be in the room when Shirl came for her things.

Jess stared at the bar's glass doors, at the bouncing, happy people she could see through the lit window. The whole scene felt alien, something she was outside of and could never take part in. As if some integral thing within her had changed. "Becky, no, I can't do this." She tried to pull her hand away from the other's grip.

"You have to, Jess! You can't let Roger win, which is exactly what he'll be doing if you let what happened keep you from the party. Besides, I want you to meet Zach."

Jess swallowed hard. "I know I look awful. You can't ask me to go in there like this. You just can't."

"You look fine!" Becky waved at her with her free hand. "There's not an ugly thing about you." She squeezed Jess's hand. "I brushed your hair, we got you all cleaned up. Okay, you may not have a lot of makeup on, but that sort of thing is wasted on you anyway! You look absolutely scrumptious."

Jess felt herself half smile, but only because she knew she must look anything but.

"Come on. A drink or two in you, and you can put all this stupid stuff totally behind you. Trust me!"

Still not feeling all that sure about this, Jess allowed her friend to tug her inside. If all else failed, she would have a couple of drinks, mingle for a few minutes and then slip away when Becky wasn't looking.

Music blared all around them as Becky jumped up and down a few times trying to catch sight of her brother. "This way!"

Bodies jostled against them and for the first time in her life Jess felt closed in, her breath a little more ragged than usual. No rave or concert had ever affected her in this way. With her height, she tended to have an advantage over most others. Today it was making no difference whatsoever. She should never have come.

"Zach!"

Becky pulled forward, dragging them from the immediate dance floor to a slightly calmer area of small tall round tables surrounded by stools. A dark haired young man with the beginnings of a goatee left one of the tables to hug Becky. "Sis!"

"So glad you could make it! Are you settling in okay?" The din was so loud, Becky was almost having to scream to be heard.

"Yeah. Everything's good."

Becky half turned, put her arm around Jess and pulled her forward. "Zach, this is Jessica. Jess, Zach."

Jess forced a smile she didn't feel and extended her hand. "Hi. Nice to finally meet you."

He took her hand and shook it, giving her the usual once over. "Nice to meet _you_!"

"Down, lover boy. Jess's had a long day. She needs cheering up, not young stud slobber."

"Hey now!"

Becky grinned from ear to ear then hugged her brother again. "It's really good to see you."

Zach showed them to his table and shoved aside the half empty glasses of friends who Jess could only assume were presently off somewhere else in the throng.

As they sat down, Zach pushed off toward the bar in the back to get them some drinks. The folks pressed about it looked like a pack of raving piranha. Jess sighed as the beginnings of a headache threatened.

Becky talked of anything and everything trying to keep her distracted as they waited for Zach's return. Jess wasn't sure why she bothered. She could hardly understand a thing she said and of what she did, she had nothing to add.

By the time Zach came back, she was definitely ready for a drink. Jess reached for the closest glass and shot the whiskey back without hesitation.

"Now that's the spirit!" Becky grabbed one for herself and drank it somewhat more discreetly.

The alcohol hit Jess's stomach like a rock and for a moment she thought she would retch. She quickly grabbed a handful of pretzels and gobbled them down. Shots had never done that to her before, even on an empty stomach. She wasn't herself at all.

She chomped down on another handful, and followed them both with another drink.

As Zach and Becky chatted, occasionally passing words with an acquaintance or friend who wandered by, Jess let her half unfocused gaze sweep through the moving, shoving, or seated bodies. Familiar faces flared here and there, but not anyone she was actually close to. She had a lot of friends, but none of them were more than acquaintances, except for maybe Becky. And as proved by Shirl not so very long ago, thinking you were close to someone you'd met in college and was your roommate, didn't necessarily mean anything in itself.

Jess reached for another drink, smiling at Zach as he said something she didn't hear. She was in the middle of a sea of people, yet had never felt so utterly alone in her life. The liquor blazed its way down and she tried to concentrate on that instead of the burning in her eyes. Coming here had been a total, absolute mistake.

She could feel her insides wanting to unravel. She needed out. Yet glancing at the sea of clashing bodies blocking the exit only sent a wave of trepidation rushing through her. If she were forced to wade through that, she would end up screaming and tearing at her hair. But she couldn't stay here.

"Becky, I'll be back."

Without even looking to see if her friend heard her, Jess slipped off her stool and waded through the tall tables toward the back left side of the bar. She felt someone's hand slide across her ass as she moved past. She instantly stiffened, almost crying out, tears springing to her eyes as if she were some vestal virgin. She should punch the bastard, whoever he was. Instead she quickened her pace, knowing she was more likely to collapse into a quivering puddle in the middle of the floor than exact retribution.

Her heart speeded up as she caught sight of the women's restroom door. She headed straight for the possible haven.

As she opened the door, her heart sank within her chest. The place was packed with chattering women who needed to use the facilities, primp their hair, or touch up their makeup. She would get no relief in there.

As she let her hand fall so the door could close, tears threatened again. With a surge of anger, she pinched herself to drive them back. When had she become such a total weakling? People were betrayed every day, weren't they? This was a common occurrence.

The facts didn't make her feel any better inside, however, and it didn't make the pain of it any less.

Jess turned around loath to make her way back, and leaned instead against the restroom's doorframe. Her gaze roamed listlessly around the room as she tried to figure out what to do next. Her attention latched on one of the few normal tables, which were set against the windows. She stared at what was there, in snatches of time, as people crowded in and out of her view. At one of them, though numerous glasses and bowls of pretzels and nuts covered the table, all the chairs were empty except for one. The sole occupant had his chin in his hand and was staring out through the window into the night. She felt her pulse race as she recognized the profile – it was her hermit scholar – Sam.

She was halfway to the table before she ever questioned what she was doing. She still had no answer by the time she reached it. But never during the whole time had she slowed her steps at all.

Jess was rather proud of the calm in her voice when she spoke. "I never thought to see you here."

Sam's face turned before his eyes did, as if reluctant to be drawn into the world of others. This all changed, however, as his gaze slid over her and recognition flared. "Jess!"

He sprang to his feet, looking incredibly pleased to see her. Luckily for him, these tables were taller than the ones in the library. She felt a faint smile tug at her lips at the thought.

"Do you come here often?" She grimaced internally, hoping he wouldn't notice the overused line for the lame opening that it was.

He shook his head, seemingly oblivious. "No. My roommates think it's fun to drag me here occasionally. Let's them think they're helping me out by getting me to live a little."

Jess smiled, tickled at the thought. Might be fun to meet his roommates. But then again…

"Are you all right?"

She almost laughed out loud. No, she wasn't all right. Though the distressed puppy look on his face did make her feel a little better. It was nice that an almost stranger could be concerned for her like this…again… Maybe they shouldn't be strangers anymore. She had to be strong! Becky was right, she couldn't give Shirl and Roger and those others the satisfaction of letting them ruin her evening. She should do something for herself.

She looked at Sam and the worry still lingering there. She ought to have done this a while ago. She stuck out her hand. "Jessica Lee Moore."

His brow furrowed further. "Excuse me?"

"My full name. It's Jessica Lee Moore. Pleased to meet you."

An easy smile flashed on his face for a moment. "Sam, uhm, Samuel Winchester, actually." He shook her hand. The grip was as steady and strong as the first time they officially met.

"Well then, Samuel." She saw him cringe at that. "I mean, Sam… Let's be friends. I need some friends."

His gaze wouldn't meet her own, his brow bunching together. "I thought we already were."

This had her smiling for no reason she could name. Actually, she felt almost giddy. The drinks were finally kicking in. "Of course we are. But now we'll be even better friends. We can get to know each other, not be just study buddies."

"Well, _hello_ there!" A young black man came up to the table and checked her appreciatively up and down. "Sam, my man, who is this _fine_ female specimen?"

Sam threw her an apologetic look. "Jess, this is one of my roommates. Jeff, this is my friend, Jess."

"Nice to meet you, toots!" Jeff gave her a broad friendly smile.

She wasn't sure if it was his charm or the alcohol, but she rather liked him already. "I hear Sam is your little pet project."

Sam threw her an astonished look. Jeff also appeared surprised.

"He told you that, did he?" Jeff's smile grew in wattage. "We were starting to wonder if he even knew how to talk to girls."

"Jeff, please. I'm standing right here." Sam's indignant expression made both of them crack up.

It was a whole new facet of her scholar she'd not seen before. She rather liked it. There might be some hope for him yet. "Come on, you. Let's go dance." She grabbed Sam's hand and pulled him away from the table. "Nice meeting you, Jeff!"

"You, too! Feel free to show him some moves, will you?"

Jess grinned then almost burst out laughing at the stunned expression on Sam's face. He didn't resist her as she dragged him along, however.

She steered them to the fringes of the dancing mob. Some pounding 80's song was blaring over the speakers, but with the buzz of conversation, only the heavy beat was coming through. It would be enough.

She started swaying to the music, a light buzz from the alcohol gratefully making itself felt. Sam stood stiffly before her, as if not having a clue as to what to do, his brow furrowed. Taking pity on him, she took his hands in hers and guided him a little.

"I never realized this before, but, you're not very shy, are you?"

Jess bit her lip. "Is that a bad thing?" Was he already having second thoughts?

He gave her an embarrassed lopsided smile. "No. It, it just reminds me of my brother Dean, is all. He's not the timid type, not by a long shot."

She could feel him loosening up, his body swaying more easily to the booming beat. "So this is a compliment then?" She couldn't help smiling as she noted a touch of color brush his cheeks.

"Sure."

"Good." She picked up the tempo a little.

A few songs later, and she was feeling almost normal. Sam really was a fast learner. He kept all his moves somewhat reserved, but he possessed a natural grace of motion that lent itself to the dance. It was liberating to do this. She hadn't danced like this since she came here, afraid anyone she chose to dance with would assume there was more to it. That they would develop certain assumptions.

To dance was freedom. No need for thought, no problems to get in the way. Just movement, abandonment, release -- she and Sam dancing. No Roger, no Shirl, no stalking, no betrayals, nothing. There was only the dance, the easy companionship, no demands, no expectations.

The beat died and her movements faltered. The lights in the bar grew dim, the new song barely even perceived, but the beat slow. Couples in the dancing area clung close to one another.

Sam stopped, noticing the change. "Would you like to go back to the table now?"

A flurry of panic careened through her. Just when she was starting to finally feel like herself. Why? "No, _please_." She was forced to blink several times. What was wrong with her? When did she become so frail? "Unless it would make you uncomfortable?"

A small smile flickered for a moment. "Never." He stepped in close, and after taking her hand in his, he placed his left arm around her waist. She in turn put hers around his.

She couldn't look at him. They were so close she could feel the heat coming off his body, yet they didn't touch.

"You're not all right, are you? What can I do?"

He spoke so softly, she could choose not to have heard. But should she? Could she? He was right, she wasn't okay. She wasn't sure she ever would be, though she knew Becky would say different. But what did she need? What would help? What did she _want_?

Still not looking at him, Jess got rid of the miniscule distance between them. His grip on her hand and waist didn't change, though she heard him gasp lightly. Gingerly, she placed her head between his neck and shoulder. The sigh that escaped her at the contact was filled with pure relief.

She removed her hand from his and circled his waist. He did the same. She sighed again. It was like being wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and shelter. Sam made no demands, he said nothing, just held her and swayed to the music. It was like heaven.

"I'll keep you safe."

Hearing his words, she thought her heart would stop. They should have meant nothing to her. She was strong. She didn't need anyone like this. Yet they touched her deeper than anything ever had.

The song ended and another upbeat one took its place, but Sam's pace never varied. He only swayed from side to side holding her in his arms.

Jess clung to him, hiding her face in his chest. Tears of shame and joy ran softly down her face. She hoped they might stay like this forever.


	8. Chapter 8

"I've invited a couple of friends to join us for lunch, is that okay?" Jess couldn't look at Becky directly. She was nervous about this, horribly nervous. Which was totally ludicrous. But it didn't stop it from being the case anyway.

After she'd brought herself back under a semblance of control at the party and then some, she'd left Sam with a promise to see him Monday at the library as usual. Somehow she'd kept on a proper face long enough to tell Becky she was going home. She'd made sure, by calling the dorm supervisor, that Shirl was no longer around before making her way up to her room.

It wasn't until the next morning that she realized what a complete fool she'd made of herself the evening before. She'd been such a total, blubbering, _girl_! But she couldn't deny she felt better for it. Maybe all she'd really needed was a shoulder to cry on. It still didn't make it any easier to show up at the library on Monday, however.

Getting herself down those stairs was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. But when she got there, Sam was the same as always. It was like nothing unusual had happened at all, except… They spoke a little more than normal. Actually traded information. Nothing deep -- just little things, but more personal than the pleasantries of before. They even took turns bringing things for dinner that week and taking a half hour off from studying to eat and talk together rather than munch as they went along.

Then mid week there'd been the message from Jeff. How he was desperate for some help with the "Sam" project.

And so now here she was.

"Sure, why not? More people for Zach to meet." Becky gave her a mischievous smile. "Might this have something to do with that study buddy of yours I've yet to meet?"

"Uhm, maybe…?" How had she ever let Jeff talk her into this?

"Sweet!" Becky headed for the closet. "Let me pick what you should wear, okay?"

"No, please, no! This is just a casual thing. It's not a date!"

Becky stuck her head out of the closet to stare at her, her eyes alight. "I never said the word date."

Jess slumped into the room's third bed. "It doesn't matter if you did or not. It's not a date!"

"We'll see, won't we?" She disappeared again. "Still, you must be properly dressed for whichever it ends up being."

Jess let herself fall back flat onto the bed. She hoped she would survive this. That Jeff could sweet-talk anyone out of anything. What the heck was she getting involved in? She swept her hand over the light blue bed cover.

At least she wouldn't have to put up with a new roommate for a few months. With Shirl leaving to another dorm so late in the year, there were enough vacancies around there was no real need for the space. The whole thing still stung, but not like it used to. And much to her surprise, she hadn't gotten any other ugly packages or seen much of Roger and his goons outside of class. It couldn't last though, she knew that. She just couldn't be that lucky.

"Eureka!"

Becky's enthused exclamation forced Jess up into a sitting position, all worried again. "What?"

"The perfect thing!" Becky came out grinning ear to ear. "A white sundress. With some cute little sandals, no one will be able to resist your wiles."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I am not interested in using any wiles and this is not a date!"

She ended up in the dress anyway.

The plan was to have a picnic lunch down by the shore of Lake Lagunita, which sat just behind their dorm complex. They were in charge of blankets and dishes, Zach of food, and Jeff of drinks. Jess wondered how soon before leaving he'd spring the surprise on Sam.

The day was warm for spring, but a nice breeze made it rather pleasant. Jess made sure to take a wide brimmed hat, her complexion and the sun occasionally having disputes. Luckily the lake, which for most of the winter sat empty of water, was ringed by trees, so they could set up under some shade.

Jess and Becky selected a spot, then while Jess cleared the area of small branches and any other debris and set out the blankets, Becky went back to the dorm to wait for the guys so she could show them where they were.

Jess sat down, waiting for them, listlessly straightening the hem of her dress for the umpteenth time. If she didn't know better, she would swear she was anxious about this, that it was a date. But it was only lunch! With company. A perfectly harmless thing. She saw Sam almost everyday. This would be no different.

She almost jumped, startled when she finally heard someone coming. She got to her feet and half hid her face beneath the brim of her hat.

"Jess!" Jeff dropped his end of a cooler to rush over. Much to her surprise, he gave her a hug like they were old friends. He quickly whispered in her ear. "Thanks for this. I owe you one! I figured this might be more up his alley than what me an Alex normally get up to." When he was done, he held her at arms length to look her over. "Well, don't you look delicious? Sam, take a look!"

Jeff pretty much pushed her in his direction. What the heck? She didn't dare look up, totally embarrassed at the attention, and still feeling a little guilty about helping Jeff with his pet project. "Hi, Sam."

"Hi. Jeff's right. You do look nice."

She bit her lip and dared glance up. There was a ghost of a smile on his lips and something bright in his eyes. She also noticed he was wearing the blue t-shirt with the white and blue stripped shirt, the ones that made his hazel eyes look blue – her favorites.

"Come on you guys, sit down wherever. Zach should be here in a minute and Jess and I need to get a couple of more things anyway. We'll be right back." Becky grabbed her by the arm and pulled her bodily away from the other two.

As soon as they were out of hearing range, Becky turned on her. "Okay, fess up. I can't stand it! Which one of them is it?"

Jess should have known this was why she got dragged off. She was tempted not to answer her, but decided to be kind. "The tall one. Sam."

"Drat! I was hoping it was the other one." She elbowed Jess in the side. "I could really fall for tall, dark, and totally cute, myself."

Jess took a step back. "Becky, I told you-"

"This is not a date. I know, I know." She waved her back. "Go on and keep them occupied, I'll go check on my brother and prod him along. I don't want to miss any of this." Her grin was wicked.

Jess had a horrible feeling it might be a long afternoon.

Luckily, her feelings of doom proved to be exaggerated.

Jeff wasn't shy, and turned out Zach wasn't either. Becky, Jess already knew intimately about. And though they could have totally overridden the conversations and everything else, allowing Sam to just sit and observe, they were having none of it. Jess noticed them all tugging at him in different ways to contribute to the conversations, drawing him out until he was adding commentary willingly on his own. Much to her amazement, she was the one who said the least, for once probably seeming demure. But she was happy, content, and it was such a treat watching Jeff work on Sam, drawing him out, making her scholar grow more and more comfortable, until he came out of his usual shell and enjoyed the day with them.

It was funny, really, how he seemed to know so much about many things, yet in more mundane, common things at times appeared sorely lacking.

They ate more than their fill of KFC, drinks, cookies, and pie.

An unexpected gust of wind grabbed the hat from her head. Sam sprang after it and missed. He tripped, rolled, and was instantly back on his feet chasing it down the beach. It happened so fast, Jess wasn't even sure she really saw it.

A minute later, Sam was back, barely out of breath and with the biggest smile ever plastered on his face. "Here you go."

"Thanks."

As she took back the hat the others applauded his efforts. "You can run pretty quick when you want to, can't you, white bread?"

Sam's smile, if anything, grew wider, even as some color doused his cheeks. "Yeah, I guess."

"How about a game of Frisbees?" Zach pulled out a plastic bag from behind the cooler as he made the offer.

Jess saw Sam's eyes light up. It was like watching a little kid getting a present. She couldn't help but grin as she got up to join the others.

Forty minutes later, Jess sat back down under the cover of the trees. The sun had come out in force and she figured discretion was better than sunburn. Totally oblivious, Sam, Zach, and Becky kept at it, laughing like loons as they ran up and down the beach.

"Here." Jeff offered her a cold cream soda as he sat down beside her with one of his own.

She took a grateful sip. "Thanks." Her gaze remained on the others, especially on Sam. He seemed to be having a ball. It made her feel glad she was able to inadvertently give him something back, especially after his support the previous weekend.

"I knew all along he had it in him." Jeff grinned beside her, also watching the others. "Guess it was all just a matter of finding the right thing and the right people."

Jess found herself curious, despite herself. "Have you known him long?"

Jeff took a long swig of his drink and shook his head. "Just this last year. And knowing is probably way more than it is. Never met anyone so close to the vest, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do."

Becky squealed as her brother dipped the Frisbee into the water and scooped some out to fly in her direction. Sam ran up behind him and snatched the Frisbee out of his hand then tossed it in her roommate's direction.

"So…why the 'Sam' project?"

Jeff laughed. "Look at him! A big, gangly, innocent, puppy is what he is. But he's also more than that." He shook his head. "At first I dismissed him as just another bookworm, shy to the extreme, wet blanket roommate, then I saw him talking up a storm one night when Alex came home totally smashed and got caught by the floor monitor after curfew. That boy can spin a yarn! And he knows how to work that sincerity angle. Got Alex off the hook, too. Never once brought it up to him though, not asking for thanks or anything, not that Alex remembered much from that night anyway." A quick smile came and went, even as he stared out at Sam, his expression serious. "You just don't see people lending a hand to others like that anymore. Heck, if ever! So I figured someone had to help this kid out, get him to live a little or something, join the rest of us in the big world, so…

"But he's one tough nut to crack, that one. I'm really grateful to you for giving me a hand with this."

Jess sent him a sly look. "Sounds like Sam isn't the only one who'll help people without expecting gratitude." These were the type of people she wanted to know. Not the Shirls or the Rogers or the others like them.

Jeff chuckled. "I'm no saint." His gaze met hers. "You like him, don't you."

She didn't know what to say for a moment. He didn't say it like a question, but more something he already knew. Was he implying something? "Sure. As a friend."

"Not the way it looks like from over here. Or last weekend."

Jess glanced away. Did he mean when they'd first met or had he seen them later, on the dance floor, after…?

"Not that I'd mind if you weren't, especially if you'd look at me like that, _my pretty_." He twirled an invisible mustache.

Jess couldn't help but laugh.

"But honestly, if you're interested, you'll need to make the first move. He's never going to. He's not the type. Hell, he can barely talk to anyone he actually likes, let alone take steps. Wish you'd seen him during art history class!" Jeff rolled his eyes. "Alex and I convinced him to take it with us. For us guys, it's a shoe in. You can get away with a passing grade easy and meet a lot of chicks. And you know what happened? Can you guess?"

She shook her head not willing to try yet already feeling the laughter trying to bubble up inside as her imagination went all over it.

"Alex and me got _nowhere_. All the girls fell for shy boy good looks and puppy eyes and wouldn't give us the time of day." Jess had to cover her mouth to keep the hilarity in, dying to hear the rest. "Did he even have the decency to notice though? No. And then he rubbed salt on our wounded egos by making the top grade in class _and_ later thanking us for suggesting he take it in the first place!"

Jess howled with laughter. Nothing else would do. She could see it so clearly it hurt. The others stopped what they were doing and looked back their way. In a minute she knew they'd be over to ask what was so funny. She hoped Jeff would tell them something other than the truth. Sam would be so mortified if he didn't.

"So all I'm saying is, he won't make a move unless you do. And if he ever becomes aware of what those eyes of his can do and uses them, no one will be able to resist him. So you better grab him while the grabbing's good. Though, of course, don't forget, you could always just ditch him and pick me instead."


	9. Chapter 9

"Jess! Oh my god. _Jess_!"

She jerked up from where she'd been bending over the washer, it being her week for laundry duty, startled by Becky's voice. The other girl was running toward her, her face red.

A spike of panic shot through her. Had something bad happened? She stared worriedly at her friend as the latter stopped before her trying to catch her breath. "Becky, what's wrong? Is someone hurt?"

Tears were running down her friend's face. This must be really bad. Had something happened to her brother? But no, that made no sense. "Becky, please!"

"Oh god, I can't breathe. Oh oh…"

Jess grabbed Becky as she folded in on herself. She was thinking of leaving her long enough to call for help, when Becky's booming laughter filled the room. Jess stared. What the heck was going on? "_Becky_!"

"Give me, give me a sec." She hiccupped, then laughed some more while pounding the floor with her feet for emphasis. Jess was growing more confused by the second. Either this was really really bad and Becky was in hysterics or… Or what?

"Okay…I think…I can do this…now." Becky glanced up at her and almost broke down laughing again.

"Dammit, Becky! What's going on?"

"Sit. Come on, sit." Becky waved Jess down to the floor.

Hesitantly, she did as her friend asked, never taking her gaze off her. Becky took her hands in hers, after wiping at her face.

"I went to see Shirl today."

Jess stiffened, this not being any of the things she thought this might be about. She tried to pull her hands back but Becky wouldn't let her.

"Before you get mad, you and I both know she's not that bad, she's just got some self esteem issues and a boy crazy obsession almost bordering on madness."

Jess didn't see how this made her case any better. She hoped her displeased frown got across, but aside from that she decided not to interrupt.

"So, anyway, since she is as she is, I figured I could use her kind of like a reverse spy, you know? In case Mr. Too Full of Himself decided he wanted to do more stupid stuff?"

Suddenly Jess felt guilty. She should have known better than to doubt Becky's motives. If anything, she was surprised she'd go this far for her. It had never occurred to her to think of such a thing. But it still didn't explain her odd actions of the last few minutes.

"Anyway…we chatted a little and she came around to her favorite subject, just like I knew she would, and she told me the weirdest things!" Jess could see her battling not to start laughing again. "Seems that Roger has run into the worst streak of bad luck ever."

"What?"

"Oh, yes. Wait till I tell you!" This time she did laugh out loud. "He was washing his whites and I guess he didn't check the machine before he used it because there was a red sock in there and it turned all his shirts and underwear pink! Then he parked his car on a pile of rusty nails and got not one but two flats. But wait, there's more!" She laughed again. "The old dorm building had a pipe burst, and yes, you guessed it, it was in Roger's room!" Tears started gathering at the edge of Becky's eyes. "And as if that wasn't enough, seems his records in the school's computers totally disappeared! They have no verification he ever registered or was even accepted here!" She shrieked with glee. "The worst case of a bad luck ever! Oh god, I had to fight so hard to hold it in when she was telling me. She felt so sorry for the bastard. I, for one, couldn't be happier! Roger won't have any time to be worrying about you anymore!" She rocked back and forth laughing. "I wish someone had taken a video. Can you imagine some of that on Youtube?"

Jess stared at her, her mind numb. Roger? A streak of bad luck? No time to be thinking about her? How lucky was that…and how utterly unbelievable…

'I will keep you safe.' Sam's statement rang out in her head out of nowhere. No, no way. That many different things? All in a week's time? No way! The idea, however unlikely though, wouldn't leave her.

"Becky, I, I have to go." She stood up, her mind boggling, goose bumps running up and down her arms.

"What? No!" Becky tried to get to her feet. "This is just too delicious. Don't you think? We should spread this all over the school!"

Jess shook here head rapidly. "I have to go!" She ran out of the room, then rushed upstairs to their dorm room and rummaged through her top drawer. Where was it? She reached into the back and found it, the note Jeff had slipped to her before he and Sam left yesterday. In his neat handwriting, it listed the cell phone numbers for each of them as well as their dorm's main number. At the time, she couldn't bring herself to add them to her phone. It felt like committing to something, no matter how stupid it actually sounded. Now she found she needed to use at least one of them after all.

Grabbing her cell phone off the charger, she hurried back downstairs and out the back.

She was breathing hard by the time she made it to where they'd had the picnic the day before, and not all of it was from exertion. Flipping her phone open, she dialed one of the numbers. Her hands weren't exactly steady.

Jess closed her eyes, holding the phone to her ear, each successive ring making her heart leap. When she heard a voice on the other end, she forced herself to speak, spilling everything she intended to say as fast as possible.

"Look, I know this is highly unusual and that you're probably quite busy, but could you, would you come meet me where we were yesterday? _Please_?" She hardly dared breathe as she waited for a reply. The moment she got it, she closed the phone, her heart in her throat.

He was coming. Now what was she going to do?

As the minutes ticked by she grew more and more nervous. She had to be mad, insane! How could she think what she was thinking? She paced back and forth between two trees, slowly wearing a path in the grass.

"Jess?"

She gasped, quickly turning around, never having heard him come up. Who was he? Who was he _really_? She knew so very little about him, pretty much nothing at all.

Sam took a step closer, his face bunched up with concern, his gaze seeking hers. "Are you all right? Did something happen?"

She shook her head, not able to maintain eye contact. "I, I need to ask you something."

"Okay…" He kept his distance, almost as if he could sense her distress had something to do with him.

Jess put her back against the nearest tree, needing all the support she could get. "Ro, Roger has run into a streak of very bad luck this week. Would, would you know anything about it?" She made herself look up at him, half dreading, half hoping for a specific answer.

The worry was gone, completely replaced by pure, unadulterated conviction. "I made you a promise."

She shook where she stood, not sure whether to laugh or cry. She'd been right. "I can take care of myself! I'm Big Bad Jessica, _remember_? He isn't your problem. You didn't have to get involved."

"But I wanted to." Everything about him was earnest.

Jess shook her head. "Why? He would have made your life miserable, if you'd been caught. You could have gotten hurt! Why would you willingly get mixed up in this?"

He looked away, but a moment later met her gaze again. His lips were set in a thin line, the look in his eyes vulnerable. She didn't understand it. "I, I care about you, Jess. You're my friend."

"You don't know me!"

He took a hurried step forward, his hands open at each side, his eyes supplicating. "I do! I know everything I need to know. You're smart, outgoing, kind. You know what you want and you go for it." His expression grew troubled as if he were having difficulty finding the right words. "I feel comfortable around you. You make me feel like I actually belong."

Jess stared at him, not sure she should believe him but not having a real choice. Her heart screamed everything he said was true -- because she'd been feeling the same way about him for some time now. Just his mere presence made her feel wanted, made her feel safe.

But she needed her independence. She had to prove she could be more than her looks made people expect. She had a plan. And a man wasn't a part of it. Couldn't be. Not so early in the game. Yet she'd never met anyone like Sam before -- someone who saw her for who she was inside and not just the pretty outer package. Could she afford to let him get away?

"Sam…" Jess stared at the ground, her insides swirling with turmoil.

He stood stock still as she stepped slowly forward, his entire concentration centered on her.

Only when she stood directly before him did she dare look up again.

He looked so exposed standing there, waiting for her to say something, possibly pushing him away after he opened up to her like this -- his expression so gaping with his need, his fears. And she was the same. The same.

Jess suddenly found her center. A calm she hadn't possessed for sometime.

She reached up and took Sam's face in her hands. She could see the truth of Jeff's words as Sam's watching eyes swallowed her up. If she let him go, he would take her at her word and deed and never bother her again. The power was and had always been hers.

She brought his face down, and smiling at the look of amazement on his face, had her lips meet his.


	10. Chapter 10

The rest of the quarter went by in a whirlwind. During the week, they studied, rewarding themselves for their hard work with kisses under shadow enshrouded benches for a few minutes before he walked her home. The weekends they spent with Jeff, Becky, Zach, and occasionally a few others, studying, doing chores together, seeing the sights, having fun.

Sam grew dearer to her every day. He seemed to bloom more and more as the shell around him was chipped away by friendship, camaraderie, love. She swore sometimes he seemed to shine. As if he'd finally found something he'd been looking for.

She knew she had, though she'd never realized she'd been looking for it.

"You said you were taking classes in the summer, too, right, Sam?"

He looked up from where he'd been busily typing on his laptop. "Yeah. That way I can keep staying at the dorm."

"You sure you wouldn't rather go home and be with your family for a while?" Though he was open with her about everything else, he never really offered much about his family. Aside from the occasional comment about his brother Dean, he didn't say much about anyone else. She was definitely curious. "I'm sure they must miss you."

He shrugged. "My Dad travels a lot. His schedule is never all that firm." Sam's voice grew low. "And we don't get along that well."

That one sentence seemed to speak volumes; she just didn't exactly know the language. "What about Dean?"

A small sad smile showed up on his face and was just as quickly gone. "Dean, he…" Sam shook his head. "He'd want me to stay. He badgered me about it every time I spoke to him. So it's been a while. He wants me to make the first move and I just…" He shook his head again. "It's just easier to stay here, okay?"

He didn't look at her but started typing on his laptop again. Jess bit her lip. Obviously something for the taboo subject list. Still… "What about your mom?"

The typing stopped. "She's dead."

"Oh, Sam, I'm sorry." She reached out and touched his arm.

He looked up. "Don't be. It was a long time ago."

She bit her lip again. This conversation wasn't going anything like she'd hoped. "Anyway, I decided to take a couple of summer courses myself. Figured I could take that art minor then and make things easier for myself."

His expression lightened. "That's great!" A moment later though, it dampened again. "Don't you want to see your own family though? You shouldn't stay here on my account."

"I do. And I'm not." She grinned. "I have my own schedules and plans, just like you, Mr. Winchester. I do what I want." She pushed at his knee with her foot. "So I'm planning to go home and see the family for a few days at the break between the spring and summer sessions. I have to keep them hungry for my company, you know, but not give them too much."

His face relaxed. "When will you go?"

"I thought we might go on the 15th. If it didn't interfere with anything on your end." She watched him closely.

"_We_?"

Jess nodded. "I'd like to take you home to meet the parents."

"Okay…" Sam only turned a little green around the edges.

The plan was on.

The flight to Sacramento was uneventful. The taxi ride even less so. Sam sat quietly beside her, his eyes drinking in the sights, like the golden spires of the Tower Bridge and the Maya looking pyramid building facing the river next to it as they moved into downtown.

Her parents lived in the suburbs on the other side of the city. She was quietly excited to be coming back, but more so that Sam was there with her. She grabbed his arm as they turned into the familiar block, and pointed out her home. It was a one story, white brick affair, with yellow trim. The short white picket fence and manicured bushes made it look like something out of Better Home and Gardens – her mother's pride and joy.

Sam got their luggage and paid the driver, though Jess noticed he kept sending surprised glances at the house as if he thought it might somehow change at any moment.

"Welcome to the Palace Moore." Jess unhooked the small gate over the walkway to the house. "What do you think?"

"I didn't think houses ever really looked like this." There was awe and amazement in the statement, not the usual snide comments she was used to about the quaint and perfect American home.

"It's my Mom's doing. She's always loved keeping house." She sent him a sideways glance. "I'm not exactly too gung ho about it myself though."

He didn't seem to hear her, going up the walkway admiring the rows of daisies lining the path to either side.

Jess gave Sam a disarming smile then rang the doorbell. She was sure he was nervous, though he was hiding it well. She hoped she was too. She counted the seconds as she waited for the door to open.

She didn't have to wait long.

The door was pulled wide, her Mom standing there with arms outspread. "Jessica, honey!"

She stepped forward and hugged her Mother and kissed her cheek as expected. She was glad to note her Mom hadn't worn her pearls, as she had a tendency to look a lot like the Beav's mother, always primped, as if she were a reject from the fifties. The blue dress was subdued, the heels for once low, and she only had three pins decorating the side. Jess was very glad now for the twenty minutes of begging for her not to overdo things for their guest on the phone.

"And you must be Sam. How very nice to meet you."

"Ma'am, the pleasure's all mine." His smile was a small supernova. He presented his hand and her Mom took it in both of hers.

Jess tried not to stare. Where had her shy scholar gone?

"Come in, come in. We've been looking forward to meeting you ever since Jessica mentioned you were coming." She pretty much dragged him inside. "Travis will get your bags, so don't worry about them for now. Won't you Travis?"

"Sure, dear."

"Dad!" Jess finally spotted her father, hanging back as usual, under the arch leading to the living room. She gave him a quick hug. She thought he looked pretty good in his polo shirt and slacks.

"Dad, this is Sam." She had to throw a curved brow look at her mother to get her to let Sam go, so she could present him properly.

"It's very nice to meet you, sir." Another supernova.

The two of them shook hands.

"Nice grip there, son." Her father nodded appreciatively. "Good to have you."

"Thank you, sir."

Mom got between them taking over as usual. "Come on into the living room, Sam. Travis will take your bags into the guestroom and Jessica's to her room." She hooked her arm through his and guided him out of the foyer.

A fresh flower arrangement graced the oval coffee table, matching the floral pattern on the sofa.

"Go ahead and take a seat. I'm just going to the kitchen for some drinks. Is iced tea all right? I have a lovely white peach blend."

"That sounds great, Mrs. Moore." If any more wattage came from Sam's smile, or his dimples look any cuter, Jess was sure she might just go blind. What had gotten into him?

"Oh please, no need to be so formal. Call me Laura."

"Yes, ma'am. Ah, Laura."

She gave him a big smile. "Be right back."

The moment her mother left the room, Sam sighed, slouching down into the couch as if tired. Jess was still in shock.

She tentatively approached the sofa and sat down next to him. "Who was that?"

Sam glanced over at her. "Huh?"

"That, that young man a minute ago. The one who just spoke to my parents, and was outgoing, friendly, and everything. _Who_ was that? What did you do with my introverted, bookworm boyfriend?"

He looked away, a momentary smile causing his cheeks to dimple again. "That was 'Meeting the Girlfriend's Parents Sam'." He sent her a timid look.

"Are there any other Sams I need to know about? I didn't know I got more than one." Would he ever cease amazing her? She hoped not.

"A few actually." The dimples were back. "There's 'Get Down to Business Sam', uhm 'That's Not What Really Happened Sam', 'Surely You Could Let That Pass This Once Sam', 'No This Guy is Not My Brother Sam', and a couple of others. They come in handy on occasion."

She took his hand in hers. "Is that right? And what Sam is it that I get?"

He glanced at her again, his eyes bright. "Just 'Sam', no bells, no whistles, just the basic, stripped down core model."

"Stripped down…I like it." She leaned forward to nibble on his ear.

"Here we go!"

The two of them jumped apart like guilty little kids. 'Meeting the Girlfriend's Parents Sam' came back full force. He even got up and offered to take the tray for her Mom. Jess had to fight not to giggle out loud.

It had really been a long time since she brought a boy home. Early high school had really soured her on the whole dating thing. Especially when all those interested in her only seemed to want her because she looked pretty and to get in her pants. None of them seemed capable of understanding why it was she could want more of a life than her Mother had as a homemaker. Guess you could only be progressive if you were ugly, had braces, and wore glasses.

"Ah, Travis, there you are." Her Mom handed her Dad a glass of iced tea as he sat down.

"So, Sam, tell us about yourself. Where are you from?"

Jess could sense Sam wanting to wilt as both parents eagerly centered him in their attentions.

"I was born in Lawrence, Kansas, sir. But my family and I have lived all over the states."

"No steady home?" A light frown touched her father's face.

"Here and there. My father is a traveling salesman, and we went wherever there was work."

"That must have been awfully hard on your mother." This came from Laura.

Jess squeezed Sam's hand, noticing he was starting to look a little frayed about the edges. "His mother died when he was very young. It's just been his brother, father, and him."

"Oh, you poor dear!" Her mother gushed concern.

"It's no big thing, really." The mask was firmly back in place. "We managed okay for ourselves. And I don't mean to follow in my father's line of work. I plan to set roots down somewhere and stay."

"Sam is in pre-law." She hoped this bone might get her parents away from the current topic.

"A lawyer!"

Jess saw her Mother's eyes light up. She lived with the old adage that the best outcome for her daughter would be to marry a doctor or a lawyer, as if careers could guarantee a good marriage or even happiness.

"Why don't we hold off on the twenty questions till dinner?" Jess suggested. "That way I can show Sam around and freshen up?"

"Oh, oh, of course!" Her Mom stood up. "You have to forgive us, we were just so excited to meet you."

Sam followed suit. "No, ma'am, I mean, Laura, it's perfectly all right. I'm just thankful for your hospitality."

Jess's Mom smiled, looking totally pleased. "Dinner should be ready within the hour. I'll call for you when it's ready."

"Thanks, Mom."

Still smiling, her Mom tapped her husband on the shoulder and had him follow her out.

"You have a very nice family. So normal."

Jess raised an eyebrow and turned at Sam's wistful tone. "I think you have some strange notions on what's normal. Because a typical family, we are not."

Sam gave her a disbelieving look, but said nothing.

"Come on, let me show you the house."

#

"This was truly delicious, Mrs. Moore." Sam took a last enthusiastic bite.

Jess tried to hide a smile, knowing he'd just unknowingly scored a bunch of points with her mother. She had to admit, in the short time she'd known him, eating food just seemed like something he did to continue to function, not a task he enjoyed. Not that most of the stuff they tended to eat at school could be called culinary. She supposed with no mother, and as much travel as it sounded he did as a kid, a home cooked meal might really be a treat. She'd have to remember that. While she was nowhere near as versed as her Mother, she could cook a thing or two.

"I'm so glad you liked it. Though really, it's just a pot roast, nothing to get too excited about." The glow on her face said the total opposite. Yeah, Sam was in her good graces all right. Poor thing.

"Jessica, help me with the dishes, won't you?"

"Sure, Mom."

"Is there anything I can do?" Sam half stood, looking a little sheepish, as if not sure of the protocols of the situation.

"No, no, wouldn't think of it. You just sit there and talk to Travis while we girls straighten up a little. Let your food settle before we bring out desert." She gave Sam a wink.

"Yes, ma'am." He sat back down.

Jess helped her Mom pile up the dishes and take them to the kitchen. The moment they were out of sight, her Mother started talking.

"He's so tall! And just how old is he? He can't possibly be a sophomore."

"Mom, he's only four inches or so taller than me. And he's a junior, a year older than me. He just has that kind of face." Jess turned on the faucet and started rinsing dishes so they could be put in the dishwasher.

"Those bangs of his are a little long, and he dresses a little too rustic, but he's so nice and polite…I like him." Her Mother smiled, her gaze a little unfocused. "Oh and he wants to be a lawyer. Jessica, this one's a keeper!"

Though she normally wasn't too fond of her Mother's analysis, for once she had to agree. Sam was a keeper.

"When do you think you two might marry?"

Jess almost choked. "Mom!"

"I'm not getting any younger, you know. I'd love to have a grandchild to spoil rotten. It'd be good for your father, too."

"We've only recently started dating, Mom. And we have our degrees to think about! It's way too early to be talking about marriage and even more so about kids." Why could she never understand she didn't want the same life she had? There were more options to choose from than just raising children and keeping house.

"Okay, okay, but a mother can dream, can't she? Wonder if I could talk the Hendersons on selling their house to the two of you…"

"Mom!"

"But it would be ever so convenient! And he did say he wanted to set down some roots."

"_Mother_."


	11. Chapter 11

They survived dinner and even desert. Jess hadn't once strangled her Mother, though she had to admit she came close once or twice. Under her parents' watchful eyes she gave Sam a chaste kiss then they'd gone their separate ways to bed.

So here she was, hours later, surrounded by all her familiar things, awake, excited, and wondering if she was insane.

There'd been more than one reason as to why she invited Sam to come with her. The most obvious was not wanting to be away from him, to spend as much time with him as she could, and to get to know him better. She also wanted him to learn more about her, about her past, and what better way than to bring him back to where she grew up and to introduce him to the parents? Even though she'd had to put up with the inevitable showing of the baby album pictures…during desert no less…And Sam's delight at seeing the stereotypical baby on the bear rug photo had been way too obvious.

But there was one other reason she asked him to come. One she'd not allowed herself to really think about too much. The true reason for the plan.

Jess grabbed her faded Raggedy Ann doll and hugged her to her chest.

Sam never pushed her, didn't rush her. He only took what she gave him and never anything more. It was weird, almost unnatural. It spoke of self-control, of respect, things she'd never gotten from a male before. It made her feel empowered -- that her comfort level meant something -- that the decision on whether or not to proceed to the next level was hers.

And decide she had. But Stanford wasn't the place. With roommates and classes, there was no real privacy to be had. Then she had what at the time had seemed as the perfect solution -- so she invited him to come home with her to meet her parents.

She stared around her room, at the posters of crystal formations overlaid with those of movies and rock groups. Her bookshelves with her rock collection, her favorite novels, the still in the box Barbies, which her mother foisted on her every year. The lacy cover on her four poster princess bed. An amalgamation of everything she was or ever wanted to be.

Would Sam want this though? Would he want her? Did he want there to be more between them?

She stared at Raggedy Ann's face, knowing she was getting cold feet. Waiting for this, setting it all up, and now she might just let it go by without doing anything. No! She'd ask him. And if he didn't want it, she would wait. But she must make a move – now, tonight.

Jess got up off the bed. She set her doll back in her usual place against the pillows. "Wish me luck?"

Ann just gave her the same self assured smile she always did.

Her feet bare, Jess moved silently to her door and opened it. She listened to the house as she stepped out into the hallway, looking for any signs of lights on this side of the house. Everything was quiet and dark. At the far end of the hall, her parents' door was closed.

Taking a deep breath, she turned to go in the opposite direction.

The guest bedroom was located on the far side of the house, giving owners and guests as much privacy as humanly possible. As she came near, Jess could see a faint wash of light shining from beneath the guestroom door. Sam was still awake. It was now or never.

Shaking her body to loosen her tense muscles, she reached forward and opened the door. Quickly, she slid inside and closed and locked it behind her.

Sam must have been reading in bed, for a book was thrown open on the covers, the pillows propped up. Yet when she looked, he was on the floor in a half crouch, as if she'd scared him right out of bed. He was wearing a dark blue t-shirt and shorts.

"_Jess_?"

Okay. She was here -- in his room. He was awake. Now what?

"Is something wrong?" He stood up fully, his face scrunched in concern. Sam started toward her then stopped as he seemed to look at her fully for the first time.

Somewhat self consciously, Jess pulled at the hem of her green lace-trim babydoll she'd bought especially for this trip. She watched Sam's face turn a deep beet red, before he suddenly snatched one of the pillows off the bed and covered his lower half with it.

She clamped a hand over her mouth, hysterical giggles threatening as she wondered if he'd covered up for modesty or because her current form of dress elicited an unexpected response. Oh this was so not how she'd hoped to start this.

With a force of will, she removed her hand from her mouth and made herself take some deep breaths. It didn't help that Sam was now staring everywhere in the room except directly at her.

"Sam, I…" Jess shook her head. "I'm sorry. I hadn't meant to startle you. I…" Was it supposed to feel this awkward? She didn't remember it being like this before, but then, she hadn't been the one driving, and they hadn't been Sam. "I'm interested in moving our relationship to the next level. So, I'm here to find out if you might be feeling the same?"

His gaze finally met hers, incredulous surprise all over his face. "_What_?"

Jess took a tentative step toward him, digging her toes into the plush carpet. "I want to know if you'd like to make love to me."

Sam opened his mouth, but no words came out. He closed it and swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down his throat.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." She bit her lip.

A half laugh, half sob escaped from him then he was down on the floor on his ass, a disbelieving look still plastered on his face.

Jess rushed forward, wondering if he'd hurt himself. Did he truly have no clue at all as to the effect he had on her? How he made her feel? "Sam, are you all right?"

He nodded, not looking at her, a smile/frown/confused look crossing his features almost simultaneously.

Worried, she sat down next to him. "Am I being too pushy?"

He shook his head. He took her hand in his. She saw him swallow hard again. "No. I want to! It's just that…I'm…I mean, I haven't…I don't have protection, and I, I'm…"

She leaned forward and kissed him long and hard. At first he was tense, but then she felt him begin to relax. This was familiar, something they'd done many times before. She pulled back after a minute or two totally breathless, feeling warm in several places.

Jess made sure to meet his gaze. "I do and I have. My freshman year in high school was my first." She searched his face to see if that made any difference. It wasn't something they'd ever discussed. "I wasn't ready and it ended badly. There were two others before I graduated." She wouldn't tell him about how they'd told her it was expected, pretty much required. She'd been so very naïve back then. But she'd learned from her mistakes. "They weren't you, though. I want this for _us_. And I'll help you, if you'll let me."

The bright smile caught her off guard. But not as much as what he said next. "This is why I love you so much."

She was still reeling from the comment, when he leaned forward and kissed her as fervently if not more so than she had him moments before. Jess did very little thinking after that.

#

Jess stretched, feeling thoroughly relaxed and content. The light in the room was dim, so she knew it was still pretty early. Wondering how her scholar was doing, she shifted to her side. He wasn't there. That's when she heard the sound of movement coming from beyond the end of the bed.

Twisting her head a little, she took a look in that direction. What she saw took her breath away.

It was Sam. His chest was still bare from last night, but he'd rescued his shorts at some point. He was moving very slowly, mock fighting some unseen opponent. His control was perfect. Arms and legs moved in prescribed positions, flowing smoothly from one to the next. She could occasionally see a muscle quiver, the protracted movements taxing their capacity.

As the room gradually brightened, she grew more and more amazed. Though she'd felt them last night, she'd not looked at his naked form much, too busy with other things. So she was thoroughly surprised at the amount of contoured muscles, the molded pecs. Usually hiding beneath a t-shirt and a long sleeved shirt, they weren't normally visible. She would have never expected such a thing from him. Endlessly full of mystery and surprises was her scholar.

"Sam, my god."

He snapped around at the sound of her voice. "Jess! I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"No, no." She grabbed one of the pillows, and turning around, used it to lean on. She couldn't take her eyes off him. "Where'd you learn to do that?"

He glanced at her then looked away, his cheeks coloring at her obvious staring. "Uh, my father and brother. They were big into self-defense. Practiced everyday." A veil of sadness crossed his eyes, but it was gone so fast, Jess wasn't sure she didn't imagine it. "Guess some habits die hard."

"You miss them terribly, don't you?" She knew it went against what he'd told her before, but she could see it in his face.

"No!" His whole body tensed up. "I mean, yes, but…" He shook his head as if unable to answer the question even to himself. "I need to prove I can survive on my own. My father…my brother, he means well, raised me, for all intents and purposes, but… I need to succeed or fail on my own for once. Prove that I can do it." She could see the determination on his face, but also the misery it caused him.

Then a sobering thought occurred to her. "Am I, am I going to get in the way of what you want to do?"

"No!" Sam rushed to her side. "You've been…You've helped me be stronger. You've helped me be more than I am. You'll never be in my way. Please, don't ever think that." His expression cleared as he smiled down at her and then he reached down to kiss her. Jess was quite all right with that.


	12. Chapter 12

"Hey, Sam." Jess gave him a big smile and set her backpack on the floor. Their study corner was quiet as usual.

"Jess!" He stood up, taking her in his arms, giving her a long, passionate kiss. She'd been looking forward to it all day.

"Running late today?" He asked once they finally came up for air.

She shrugged. "Teacher wanted to give me some pointers."

"So the art is going good?"

She shrugged again. "It's more complicated than I expected. I'm sure you'll be seeing plenty of my assignments soon enough. Be kind?"

He laughed. "Always."

Jess pulled out a sketchbook, the teacher's instructions still fresh in her head. So much for thinking an art minor would be a piece of cake. She pulled her feet up into the chair trying to make a makeshift drawing board. The ones out in the common area were more comfortable, but then they would lose their quiet privacy. Even during the summer sessions, the college still teemed with students.

A while later, she pushed her hair and arms up over her head, her pencil planted between her nose and upper lip, staring at what she'd drawn so far with dissatisfaction. Yes, definitely a harder subject than she originally estimated.

A faint snicker, made her glance Sam's way. "What?"

"You're just too cute." His dimples were very pronounced. His eyes were dancing.

"I'll have you know, Big Bad Jessica does not do cute." She tried to scowl at him, knowing quite well he was the one who was too cute for words, but didn't do a very good job of it. "Are you even studying?"

He glanced down guiltily at his books and closed them one by one, then set them on the side table. "Well, actually, I was hoping I could talk to you about something."

"Oh?" Normally studying came first. She wondered what was up.

He took out some papers from his bag, but didn't set them down. She couldn't see enough of them to tell what they were for.

"I haven't done anything yet. So there's no kind of commitment," he said quickly. "And I don't want you to feel pressured into anything. I just thought, in the end it might be more convenient and give us more privacy. We could even have better, comfortable chairs, if we can afford it."

"Whoa, whoa! Sam, what in the world are you talking about?"

He stared at her, looking suddenly embarrassed, his nose scrunching up as he tried to put his thoughts together. "Uhm, Stanford has housing for…housing for couples. I thought if you wanted, we could apply for one?"

She was flabbergasted. She didn't know if she was more surprised at the grand idea or the fact he was the one to bring it up. He really had changed. This was the first time he'd made a move on his own where their relationship was concerned. Jeff would freak. "Oh, Sam…"

His expression collapsed with sudden doubt. "Was that too forward?"

Jess launched from her chair, sending sketchpad and pencils everywhere, to throw herself at him. She flung her arms around him, trying to hug the life out of him. She squealed with utter glee. "That would be _awesome_!"

After a moment, he seemed to finally realize this meant she was pleased, and hugged her fervently back.


	13. Chapter 13

Jess had been on cloud nine for days. The approval had at last come through and they'd been assigned housing at Escondido. Theirs would be the upper right hand corner apartment in a two-story building. She doubted she'd been more excited about anything in her life.

Jeff, Becky, and her brother Zach would be showing up late in the morning to help with the move. She hadn't been able to wait and was up before dawn quietly packing. The apartment came only partly furnished, so she and Sam were already planning on checking out the thrift stores in town for any bargains to supplement what was already there.

He would be meeting her at the apartment before the others got there, so they could take some measurements and figure out what they had to work with as well as start on cleaning up the place. She'd gotten her copy of the key last night and had been burning to try it ever since. She knew the place would be small, she knew it wouldn't be much, but it would be _theirs_! Whenever she thought about it, it made her breathless. Theirs.

Lugging a sack of cleaning supplies with her, Jess caught a campus bus down Mayfield Avenue to Escondido Road. She got off at the nearest stop then walked the rest of the way. Her arms hurt from carrying the heavy sack, but it was well worth it. As she rounded the block, she tried to engrave the look of the neighboring houses into her mind, the smell of the trees in the wind, the blueness of the sky. She wanted to embrace everything about this place -- the place where her life and Sam's would flow forward together.

Theirs was a white building with salmon colored columns and wood colored trim, iron rod running between small upstairs porches. She approached it, staring at the black slopping roof, the arched entryway, the well cared for lawn and bushes. The walkway led up to eight small steps with green mailboxes on the left and doors to the downstairs apartments. On the side of the building, she went down some stairs and an iron rod gate. Inside, a solid set of wooden stairs led the way up. Jess could feel the grin growing on her face as she counted the number of them leading to their floor. And there, down this small hallway, was their chartreuse colored door.

She dug for the key in the pocket of her shorts. A whole new facet of her life would begin today.

Agony shot through her head as her hair was yanked from behind and she was thrust forward. She dropped the bag of supplies and her key as she careened toward the wall, hoping to use her hands to minimize the impact. She was pressed against the grainy surface, a large hand grabbing her left arm and twisting it hard behind her back, her right pinned between her and the wall. Tears sprang to her eyes from the intense pain.

"So, Jessica, dear, miss me?"

Hot breath, smelling of alcohol, fell on her face. She couldn't see well enough to tell who was there, but felt a jolt of trepidation as she recognized the voice. It was one she hadn't thought to hear again. "Roger? What the hell is this? What are you doing?"

"Quiet, bitch." She gasped, giving an involuntary yelp as her arm was wrenched higher up her back, sending shooting anguish down her shoulder.

"Did you think I wouldn't figure it out? Did you think I wouldn't want to get revenge?"

"Roger, I, I don't know what you're talking about."

He shoved her arm up again and Jess was forced to bite down on her lip, drawing blood, to keep from screaming.

"Lying, scheming, bitch! Everything I was told about you was true. But I didn't listen. Leading me on, ignoring my gifts, then dating another guy behind my back the whole time. Did you think I wouldn't find out? That you could keep this from me?" The tone turned ugly. "Well you thought wrong."

Jess wanted to deny his words, to rant at him, but kept her mouth shut. He would never believe her, she was sure of it. All it would do was get her hurt.

"You thought you were so tough almost breaking my finger that night, but you won't find me so easy to handle this time. You on the other hand…" He yanked her head back further by the hair and then kissed her on the neck. Revulsion poured through her, but there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop him. "Are mine to do whatever I want to with." He pressed himself against her, still nuzzling on her neck. She could feel his hard-on pushing against her thigh.

"You, you don't want to do this."

"Hah! I've wanted to do this and more since the first time you tried to pretend you were ignoring me. I know it's what you've wanted from me all along."

Jess tried freeing her right arm, scrapping it against the grainy wall. She reached around with her hand once she got it free, but couldn't find anything on him to grab hold of. His elbow kept her arm from being able to reach up so she could get at his face. She tried to rear up her feet to kick him backwards, but he was too close. Fear bubbled up, most of her options coming up empty. She wasn't even sure if anyone would hear her if she tried to scream. "Roger, let me go!"

He rubbed up and down against her, dragging her arm with him, causing her jarring jolts of agony. "And when we're done…you're going to tell me all about how you pulled those nasty tricks on me, too, aren't you? _Aren't you_?"

She wouldn't cry. She refused to cry. Tears welled up in her eyes anyway. No matter what he did, though, she would tell him absolutely nothing.

Roger crushed into her, giving out a gasp of pain. Before the fact could truly register, Jess found her hair was free and so was her burning arm. Roger's weight was abruptly yanked away from her. She half turned, inadvertently scrapping her abused shoulder against the wall. Her vision tried to go dark as she partially slid down the wall. With an effort of will, she kept from going unconscious, what she could now see sending a bolt of adrenaline through her already charged system.

Sam had Roger by the scruff of the neck, and punched him in the kidney. Roger collapsed to his knees, wheezing in pain. Sam hit him there again. Wearing an expression of calculated coldness, he thumped Roger in the side of the face and drove him to the floor. With frightening control, he knelt beside the writhing jock and grabbed him by the neck before landing another blow on his face. Waves of murderous fury washed from Sam in every direction.

Jess's heart almost stopped as she realized with a start that her lover might very well mean to kill her attacker. Before she knew what she was doing, she pushed away from the wall and staggered toward him. "Sam! _Don't_!"

His head jerked in her direction, his fist poised to strike again. The cold fire she saw in his eyes scared her like nothing ever had, but as she watched, the fire sputtered and died. His fist loosened and his hand dropped to his side. "Jess…Are you all right?"

He stood up and rushed over to her. His gaze dripped with worry. He moved to touch her then hesitated as if afraid that doing so would hurt her further.

"I'll live." She was just glad her shy scholar was back and that other was gone. Jess cradled her left arm, her shoulder still throbbing madly. "Is he conscious?"

Sam's eyes widened at her words, shining with fear and dawning realization, as he recalled there was someone else with them. "Oh god…" He turned back around and stared at Roger's prone form. A moan escaped from the football player. Sam fumbled for his cell phone. His hands were shaking.

"Who are you calling?"

He sent her a puzzled look. "911."

"Don't. Wait."

"What?" Sam looked thoroughly confused. And she couldn't blame him. She wasn't too sure what she was doing herself. "Jess, he's hurt and so are you."

"I know that! But give me a moment. Please, Sam." Her brain was screaming that calling 911 was the wrong thing to do. She didn't know why yet, but she would figure it out. If only her head would stop throbbing. She needed to think.

She wobbled where she stood, blackness prickling at her vision again. Then Sam was suddenly at her side, letting her lean against him. Gingerly, he put his arm around her, watching for any signs that he was causing her pain. "We need to get you to a doctor."

"Yeah, stick boy, dial 911. Let's get the cops over here to arrest your ass."

They both turned. Roger was still on the ground, slowly climbing to his hands and knees. Blood dribbled from his mouth to the floor.

"Both of you are going to jail for this." His words were slightly slurred, the side of his mouth already starting to swell, but his threats were only too easy to understand. "I'll have ten people show up to testify you threw the first punch. You'll both be rotting in a dump for a long time to come!" The words dripped like venom from his lips.

"No…" Jess realized this was what she had been trying to think about. Roger did have people who would do this for him, misguided as they were. She'd unfortunately met several. Sam's hopes of getting into law school would be ruined and all because of her. "No…" She held onto Sam's shirt, despair descending on her, her knees feeling suddenly weak.

Roger laughed, though not without some pain. "Not so eager to call them now are you? Well don't worry. I'll save you the trouble." He started fumbling with the pocket of his jacket.

"Roger, no…"

"Jess, I'm going to set you down, okay?" Sam's mouth was close to her ear, speaking very rapidly. "I'm going to fix this. But don't look. Remember, this is just a mask. Please? I love you." Carefully, almost tenderly, Sam lowered her to the floor and then left her.

As soon as he did, he bolted across the distance between him and Roger and kicked the football player's cell phone out of his hand. Roger yelped in pain. The phone smacked the corner of the veranda and flipped over the side and out of sight.

Before Roger could do anything else, Sam was on him. He yanked Roger to his feet then drove him backward until he had him up against the wall. He used his left hand to pin him there by the neck, pressing hard enough that Roger started having problems getting full breaths.

"Let go of me, you bastard! I'm not afraid of your skinny ass." Roger tried prying Sam's hand away. His face registered surprise, when he found he couldn't move it.

Jess stared from where she sat, unable to look away despite Sam's request. Her lover's face was an expressionless façade. This time though, his eyes were calm and clear, without the murderous fury she'd seen before. It didn't make her feel any better.

"You should be. You _really_ should be. For who do you think was responsible for your tremendous streak of bad luck before? And I wasn't even trying."

"Bullshit! You're just some freaking geek. She's got you dangling from her fingers just like she's got a bunch of others, the cunt. That's how she did those things to me before. Not you!"

Sam pushed with his hand until Roger was choking. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about. I was responsible for every bit of it. And what I did was mild, compared to what I could have done." Sam's voice grew colder. "I know things about you, Roger Thomas Dicks. Things you wouldn't want getting out. But they might just make the rounds if you don't change your tune and back off."

Sam released some of the pressure on Roger's neck. Roger coughed and wheezed, trying to get air again. "You're, you're bluffing. You don't know a damn thing about me."

"Don't I?" The little knowing smile Sam gave him made Jess shiver. "What about the fact your name was once Thorton and not Dicks? Does that ring a bell?"

Roger grew very still, the color flushing out of his face. "You, you wouldn't!"

"I would. And so much more besides. The little tricks I played on you? Barely the tip of the iceberg. If you don't forget ever being here and never approach Jessica again, I will make sure your life becomes hell on Earth. Your family's past history with intimate details will be sent to every paper in the state and then the country. You think your records being wiped in the computers here was bad? Think what would happen if they disappeared from your bank. How about your credit rating dropping to the basement? Fraudulent charges maxing out every credit card you own and even some you don't. Not that any of that would make a difference once certain parties found out where you and your family are." He leaned in close. "Are you starting to get the picture?"

The more Sam spoke, the wider and wider Roger's eyes got.

"Who, who are you?"

"Just a guy going to college and wanting to lead a normal life." Sam brought his face closer. "Who do you want to be? College football player or social wreck? One phone call is all I need to make it happen." He let Roger go and backed up, his body coiled, ready for violence if need be. "_What's it going to be_?"

Roger swallowed hard, his gaze never leaving Sam, fear oozing from every pore. "I…I was never here. You hear me! I was never here!" He pushed away from the wall to go for the stairs. When he came close to where Jess sat, he plastered himself against the rail to get as far away from her as possible, almost pitching himself over the side. She heard him stumble off down the stairs, but didn't feel any relief because of his leaving.

She had a different problem now. She stared with still gnawing fear at the man she loved, no longer sure she knew him at all.

Sam turned away to face the wall, his arms stretched to rest on it, his head leaning down, his face hidden. A low moan escaped from him as he slid down to his knees. Jess stared at him confused, sure that Roger had never touched him. A moment later, she reared back in surprise as Sam grabbed his stomach and retched. The acrid smell of vomit was like a slap in the face, letting her mind finally focus again. "Sam!"

Jess struggled to her feet and staggered to his side. He held her back with his arm, to keep her from getting too close to the splatter. She barely noticed this, her gaze locking on the tears shining in his eyes. "Sam?"

He swayed back to his feet, and stepped away from the smelly, chunky mess, and away from her. He took off his open grey long sleeve shirt and wiped at his face and mouth then pitched it off to the corner. He wouldn't look at her. "I'm all right. But you're not. Let me call you a taxi."

The omission of his company wasn't lost on her. "I'm not going anywhere, Samuel Winchester." She tried reaching for him, but he moved out of range before she could do so. He still wouldn't look at her.

Jess shook her head confused. A minute ago she'd been scared of him, of the fury she'd seen and then the coldness, but now… He'd been so angry when he saved her --that she could understand. Could the second time have been a mask, just like he said? A façade for Roger's benefit? "Sam?"

He finally glanced her way, his face twisted with fear and guilt. "I'm so sorry."

She didn't understand. "For saving me?"

"No! I was glad for that. If anything, I wish I could have been here sooner, so he wouldn't have touched you at all!" He shook his head, eyes troubled, lips trembling.

"Then what is it?" A different type of fear glimmered inside her.

Sam seemed to fold in on himself, scrunching down against the veranda until he was sitting on the floor. He pushed the palms of his hands into his closed eyes. "If…if you hadn't stopped me…I, I would have killed him. I meant to kill him…And he's human…" He looked sick.

Jess went down on her knees, guilt suffusing her at ever having doubted or feared him. This was her scholar, this was the man she knew and loved. And he'd never left. "You wouldn't have. I know it." She touched his arm. "It's not in you, Sam. I know who you truly are beneath any mask you might wear."

He glanced at her, doubt and hope battling openly in his face. "Thanks. You don't know how much that means to me."

She tried to smile.

Sam reached over and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "We should get that cleaned."

"Hm?" She loved his touch.

"The wall, it cut you. And your shoulder. Did he hurt you anywhere else?"

She shook her head. "No. Thankfully." Jess bit her lip, the cut there stinging. "We should probably call the others and cancel, or tell them to come later. I think they'd freak a little if they saw us like this." Now that it was over, the burden of it all was weighing her down. She felt terribly tired. She hoped this dark cloud wasn't some kind of precursor of things to come. "Sam, will you hold me?"

He reached out for her and brought her close. "Always."


	14. Chapter 14

"I don't think it's going to fit." Jess giggled, the scent of pine so strong it made her giddy.

"No, it will. Just pull!"

She took a firmer grip on the mesh wrapped around the tree. "Okay, on three. One, two, three!" She pulled and Sam pushed and after a long moment of resistance, the tree came through the door. Jess slipped as it gave way and fell to the floor, laughing.

"You okay?" Sam's worried face peered down at her past the tree.

"Yeah. But I bet I'll never get all these needles out of my hair or off the floor." She laughed again. Prepping for Christmas had never been so much fun.

Sam helped her to her feet.

She smiled again, remembering her surprise that morning at breakfast, when Sam had sheepishly looked up from his eggs and asked how she felt about having a Christmas tree in the apartment. She thought it a great idea. This would be their first one together after all, and though she knew her Mom would go over the top as usual at home, it would be sweet to have their own tree to celebrate the holiday.

She should have known she would be in for more than she bargained for when he pulled out the printed list of places selling them – live ones at that. Her scholar was nothing if not prepared. She was still laughing at the strange yet convincing conversation on how paying extra fare entitled the tree to have a seat or two of its own on the bus, so they could get the thing home.

"I'll go get the stand. Be right back." Sam bounced away grinning from ear to ear.

Jess just shook her head and headed toward their small kitchen to get a pair of scissors and a pitcher of water as well as a couple of aspirin -- an old trick of her father's for stretching the life of a tree. Sam was back about the same time she got there.

"Where should I put it? The bedroom?" His cheeks were flushed, but she knew it wasn't from exertion. He'd been beside himself since the moment she said yes.

"Are you insane? No, no, and no! We're not sleeping with the thing. Off to the living room with you!"

He jumped over the tree and took the stand next door, laughing at her.

They dragged the tree into the living room and she helped him stand it up so he could tighten the rivets into the trunk.

"Uh oh."

"What?" Sam looked up from the floor.

"I had a feeling it was too tall." The last foot of the tree was bent sideways against the ceiling. Though she'd tried, she hadn't had the heart not to let him get the one he wanted. Despite the fact it stretched their budget to the limit.

Sam stood up and stared at it, the tree towering over him, looking suddenly crest fallen. "I guess I could cut it."

"I wouldn't think of it. I mean, how many people have a tree like this?" She poured the water and two aspirin into the stand. "Besides, we haven't seen how it looks yet."

When she was done, Jess handed Sam the scissors and he cut away the mesh. As they pulled it off, the limbs loosened and stretched, a rainfall of needles collecting on the floor. As it unfurled, the two of them were forced to step farther and farther back. When it was done, you couldn't see the other side of the room from where they stood.

"Uhm, I guess I didn't pick one very well?" Sam looked amazed, shocked, pleased, and a little overwhelmed all at once.

Jess couldn't help but laugh. "It is a little on the big side. Still, it's ours." She glanced at him. "Didn't you ever go with your father to pick the tree?"

All the emotion seemed to leave his face, leaving an empty canvas – a blank mask. "He didn't believe in Christmas, not after Mom…" He looked at her, and she could see the effort it cost him as he tried to smile. "Dean would always find a table top tree somewhere. We'd keep it in our room. So, this is the first time, I've ever…"

"Well why didn't you say so in the first place?" Jess tried to ooze cheer though it saddened her to have dampened his spirits. "We have a lot to make up for. So no bought decorations for us, no, sir. We're doing it all from scratch, just like we used to do at grandma's."

"Homemade decorations?" He looked slightly alarmed at the prospect.

"You've not lived until you've made your own popcorn garlands, or streamers from construction paper and Elmer's glue, even an angel from paper and glitter. We'll have us some eggnog, cookies, and pumpkin pie, too, I think. And caroling, we can't leave out caroling. I'll make sure you have Christmas pouring out your ears. I guarantee it."

The pleased, eager puppy look that grew on his face made her want to cry. She had a feeling his life had been a lot harder than she might possibly be able to imagine. But all that was going to change.

"And wait till you see what it'll be like at Mom's. Christmas right out of a magazine."

She would drink in every experience, every detail as her scholar discovered and enjoyed Christmas like never before. A gift she'd be able to give him that no amount of money would have ever been able to afford.

She was pretty sure it would be her best Christmas ever. The first of many many more.


	15. Chapter 15

Jess was startled awake by a sudden, violent movement beside her. She turned over only to see her lover sitting up, folded over his knees, gasping.

"Sam?"

She tentatively sat up and reached out to touch his back when he didn't respond. He flinched at her touch, half turning in panic, as if only now becoming aware she was there.

"Are you all right?"

His brow furrowed as he stared at her in the minimal light shinning through the window, almost as if he didn't know her. She saw him open his mouth then swallow as if screwing up his courage. "Jess?"

"Yeah, silly. Who else would it be?" She reached behind her, not willing to take her eyes from him, and turned on the light.

He cringed at the lamp's click, blinking as he was blinded by the light.

She felt a wave of trepidation flush through her as she got a good look at him. He was coated in sweat, his hair sticking to his brow and his t-shirt to his back. His breathing was fast and shallow, and she could see he was shaking. She felt a lump rise to her throat at the pulsing terror she could see reflected in his eyes. "Sam?"

She reached out to touch his face but he took her hand in his before she could. He stared at it, as if trying to convince himself it was real, then placed his other hand over it. He bowed his head over her hand, squeezing until it hurt.

"Sam, honey, talk to me." The last ten months had gone by in a glorious blur. They'd made their apartment totally theirs. They shared anything and everything. Their lives moving forward, growing comfortable.

He moved her hand against his cheek, leaning into it, but still said nothing.

"Please? You're scaring me."

"I…" He didn't look up, still holding onto her hand as if he never meant to let it go.

"Was it another nightmare?" He'd had one last night, possibly one the night before as well, but they'd not affected him this badly before.

"Yeah…" He glanced up this time and she saw tears glinting in his dark eyes. What could be so awful?

"It's over now though, right? And Big Bad Jessica's here. I won't let them get to you. You know that, yes?"

He took a deep breath and tried to give her a tentative smile but fell way short of the mark.

"Come here." Without waiting for him to move, she yanked her arm back and pulled him forward. He gasped in surprise, but didn't fight it. She cuddled him against her chest, placing her free arm across his back.

"Jess." He mumbled this against her as if somehow still not quite believing she was there.

"It's me. It's all right. I'm here." She kissed the top of his head, worried as he still trembled beside her. She grabbed the edge of the cover and pulled it over them. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He released her hand, shaking his head. Suddenly his arms came around her and pulled her close. "Don't leave me. Please don't ever leave me."

She tried to hug him back, though she was having a hard time breathing, he was holding her so tight. It must have been some nightmare. "I think you'll find you're going to have a very hard time getting rid of me, Samuel Winchester. Because I'm not planning on letting either of us go anywhere."

He gave a half sob. "I love you." He squeezed her even harder, digging his face into her shoulder. She wouldn't be surprised if he left her a few bruises for this. At the moment though, she didn't care. He needed her.

"Well, duh. Of course you do. I'm just that good."

That got a laugh out of him. He relaxed his grip a bit. She gulped in some much needed air.

"You just need to quit worrying about your LSAT scores, love. Even if you totally botched them, as if you could, we'll be all right. I'm sure you wouldn't mind it all that much being a kept man, now would you?"

His chuckle rumbled through his chest, making her feel warm all over. He was no longer trembling. She bit his ear hoping to distract him even more.

His hands stroked soft circles on her back and shoulders, his breathing relaxing, growing deeper.

Sam was strong, sensitive, smart, and more complex than anyone suspected. She kissed his jaw, his cheek. Then her lips met his, grateful yet again he was all hers and hers alone.


	16. Chapter 16

"Did you get the mail?" Jess peeked around the door from the hallway. She spotted Sam standing in the middle of the living room, nodding.

"Did it come in?"

He nodded again.

"_And_?" She approached, not able to read his expression. She felt her stomach knot, knowing what this meant to him - to them. One of the pieces of mail was open, the letter from inside it clutched in his hand.

"I... I passed..." He looked up, his face full of unbelieving surprise. Had he been that uncertain? "I passed!" A big goofy smile plastered itself on his face. "I passed!" With a big whoop, he rushed toward her and swept her up, twirling them about the room. She couldn't help laughing, she was so happy for him.

He kissed her passionately, and she more than gladly returned it. After a breathless moment, they finally parted.

"Let me see it." She yanked the letter from his hand, dancing away, eager to look at the results herself. "Oh my god. Sam!" She turned around, not believing what she read. And he'd been doubting himself? "You got a 174 out of 180! That's a 99.53 ratio. That puts you in the top one percent!" She stared at him, so proud she thought her heart would burst. "You're awesome!" She twirled around, her arms spread wide. "Sam Winchester is _freakin'_ awesome!"

"Jess, stop. I passed. That's all." Color spread over his cheeks. He looked almost embarrassed.

"That's all? That's _all_?!" She turned to face him and put her hands on her hips. "Just for that, I'm going outside and screaming the news to the all the neighbors! Then we'll see if that's all!"

"Don't you dare!"

"Try and stop me." Laughing, she ran for the door.

Sam ran after her and caught up to her just as she reached for the knob. He grabbed her from behind and wrapped her in his arms, nuzzling her neck just below the ear. "Jess, you're so naughty."

Giggling, she twisted around in his arms. "And you are too darn humble. This is beyond awesome, Sam."

"I couldn't have done it without you."

"I doubt that, but I'll be happy to take the credit anyway." She gave him a smile filled kiss, then wriggled out of his arms. "Anyhow, we need to get dressed. We're going to be late. I can't wait to tell Jeff the news."

"Must you?"

"But of course." She gave him a mischievous grin. "You were his pet project, after all. He has a right to know how you've turned out." With that, she skipped back toward the bedroom.

There was going to be a big bash tonight, so it was precipitous that his letter came when it had. Sam's meeting with the faculty had already been scheduled, but they hadn't known if they would see the results before then. Now they'd be able to celebrate in earnest. She couldn't wait to tell Jeff. Jess opened the closet and pulled out the white shrouded hanger with her costume. It was a little racier than she preferred, but she was sure Sam would enjoy it. Maybe after the party they could play _doctor_. Just thinking about it made her all tingly inside. She might be screaming loudly enough for the neighbors to hear the celebration anyway.

Laughing, she set the clothes on the bed. Yes, Big Bad Jessica might be making an appearance tonight. She was sure she could still teach Sam a thing or two. Chuckling to herself, she removed the wrapper and dragged the main pieces with her to the bathroom.

Ruffles, ruffles, and more ruffles. She bit her lip. If the skirt were any shorter there wouldn't be one. Yes, ruffles were definitely a good thing to have today. Her Mother would be so scandalized. She smiled at herself in the mirror. That would be a sight.

White stockings up past her knees. Red platform shoes. Now where did the nurse's hat go? She found it and some pins and glanced at the clock as she stuck them in her hair. Crap, where had the time gone? "Sam, get a move on would yah? We were supposed to be there like fifteen minutes ago." She hurried out of the room, hoping the skirt wouldn't ride any higher. "Sam, you coming or what?"

She glanced back over her shoulder and saw him peek out of the room. "Do I have to?" She had to hold back a smile at his imploring tone.

"Yes. It'll be fun. And where is your costume?" She could see he wasn't thrilled, but it was good for him to be social every once in a while. Besides, she needed to spread the good news.

Sam laughed. "You know how I feel about Halloween."

Jess gave him a raised eyebrow but said nothing. When the conversation had come up last year, he'd given her a bunch of mumbo jumbo about its origins and the fact it was a time when spirits were best able to make contact with the physical world. He'd rattled it all off very fast, almost as if he were mortified to admit it. She'd never taken him for the superstitious type. It wasn't until later that she thought there might also be a more normal reason – Halloween happened around the same time as his mother's death. "Okay, no costume. But you're still going. So get your cute ass over here and let's go!"

She wiggled her short skirt as an added incentive. At least he was wearing her favorite white and blue striped shirt. The doctor's outfit could come into play later.

They went on outside.

All the houses and apartments nearby were heavily decorated with cobwebs, spiders, tombstones and skeletons for the holiday. They were coming down the walk when Jeff jumped out from behind a pole and shambled their way. His dark skin was made to look pale and gaunt, bits of green skin and goo attached all over it, his clothes appearing torn and ragged – not bad.

He turned on Sam. "Hah!"

Jess smiled. Sam has his hands in his pockets, not looking the least bit amused.

"Well, what do you think? Huh?" Jeff asked.

Sam shrugged. "Whatever." He pulled out one of his hands and held it out for hers. She gladly took it. He looked both ways before leading them across the street, zombie Jeff trailing behind.

Jeff gave Sam the once over. "At least I wore a costume. If your sorry ass was trick-or-treating at my house, no popcorn balls for you."

"You gave out popcorn balls?"

Jess laughed. She wasn't sure which was funnier, the popcorn balls or Sam's reaction to them.

Jeff ignored them. "You could have at least gone as a slutty version of something. Slutty Dorothy, Slutty Alice, Slutty _Nurse_."

"Hey!" She was so not slutty!

"I didn't mean you." He gave her a quick grin. Jess knew better than to believe that charmer.

"Man, what can I say? I've just never been a fan of the whole thing."

"Are you a communist?" Jeff stared at him in shock. "Who doesn't like Halloween, huh?"

Sam half rolled his eyes. Jess was just happy Sam felt relaxed enough to act like this. It was a far cry from the shy scholar she'd met over a year and a half ago at the library.

The farther they went, the more costumed people appeared, many of them going in their same direction. Being Friday night, most of the student body wouldn't be worth much by morning. It would be party central through most of the campus.

Those hosting their particular party had gone all out, decorating the bar to the nines. Fog machines had been installed in the ceiling at the corners so a nice steady stream dripped to meander about on the floor. There were enough ghost and ghoul decorations to outnumber the patrons.

They quickly convened on a tall free table from which to anchor themselves in the growing throng.

"Jeff, would you get some drinks? We have something very important to celebrate tonight."

He stared at her in surprise. "We do?" She noticed his gaze instantly drop to her left hand. She ignored the fleeting look of disappointment that crossed his face when he found it bare.

"Yeah, we do. Your pet project here got a very important letter today."

"Oh? Oh! The test scores! Yeah, okay, I'll get some. Be right back!"

"Jess, really."

"Don't spoil my fun now, Sam, or Big Bad Jessica might have to teach you a lesson." She gave him her serious look.

"Okay, okay!" He held up both hands in surrender. "We wouldn't want that!" He laughed.

Jeff came back almost immediately carrying a handful of whiskey shots.

Sending a grin Sam's way, Jess picked up hers. "Here's to Sam and his awesome LSAT victory." They clinked their glasses together. She glowed, totally proud.

"All right, all right. It's not that big a deal." Sam looked a little embarrassed at the attention. Served him right.

Jess shook her head. "He acts all humble, but he scored a 174."

Jeff gulped down his drink then looked at her. "Hm, is that good?"

"Scary good."

Sam backed up in his seat, then tilted his drink up, swallowed, and made a face. Jess shot back her own.

Jeff slapped Sam on the back. "Well, there you go!" He rubbed Sam's shoulders as he went around him. "You're a first round draft pick. You can go to any law school you want." He sat down on an empty stool.

"Actually, I've got an interview here, Monday. If it goes okay, I think I'll have a shot at a full ride next year."

Jess could hear the trepidation in his voice. When was he going to learn he was so much better than he gave himself credit for? "Hey, it's gonna go great."

"It'd better."

Jeff threw his arm over Sam's shoulders. "How does it feel to be the golden boy in your family?"

Sam shook his head. "They don't know."

Jess sent him a troubled look. Several months ago she'd tried suggesting Sam call his brother, to let him know he would be taking the test and that he was going to graduate with honors at the end of the summer, but Sam wouldn't hear of it. It would have been nice if someone from his side of the family could have attended the graduation ceremony.

"Oh no? I would be gloating! Why not?" Jeff stood up.

Sam threw popcorn at him from the snack bowl on the table. "Cause we're not exactly the Brady's."

"And I'm not exactly the Huxtables. More shots?"

Sam and Jess answered him at the same time. "No!"

"No. No!"

Jeff rushed off to get more anyway.

"Seriously, I'm proud of you." She caught Sam's gaze in hers. "And you're gonna go to that interview on Monday and get that full ride. I know it."

He stared at her and slowly shook his head, his adoration plain for her to see. Yes, he'd come a long way from that shy, hermit, scholar. "What would I do without you?"

Jess couldn't help herself. "Crash and burn." Her smile mirrored his and she pulled him forward for a kiss. He tenderly grabbed her face as they kissed several more times. Pure, sweet bliss.


	17. Chapter 17

Jess turned over in bed, feeling something wasn't right, and wondered if Sam was having another nightmare. That's when she realized he wasn't in bed at all. The sound of a scuffle and then muted voices echoed through from another part of the apartment. Wondering what was going on, she got up, rubbing at her eyes.

She made her way toward the living room, walking quietly down the familiar dark hallway. She recognized Sam's distinctive voice, but the other was a total stranger's. As she reached the entryway, she flipped on the light switch. "Sam?"

Her scholar was standing on the left, a shorter man in a dark maroon colored jacket on the right.

She stared, her mind comparing the two and finding them seemingly as different as night and day. Sam's hair and bangs were long, his hair dark, while the other man's hair was cropped close and of a much lighter shade. Sam's usual clothes gave him a casual relaxed air, while the dark coat, jeans, and utilitarian boots gave the newcomer more of a butch feel. He didn't look like someone her lover would know. Who could he be?

"Jess." Sam seemed out of breath. "Hey."

As far as she could tell Sam seemed to be all right. Though the stranger did look surprised to see her there, as if he didn't know about her.

"Dean, this is my girlfriend, Jessica."

The stranger started to smile. So did she. That's when it hit her. "Wait, you mean your brother Dean?"

Dean pointed at her, giving her a quick overall look. "I love the Smurfs." He strode over to her as if they hadn't just met. "You know, I gotta tell you. You are completely out of my brother's league."

She was amused. She couldn't help it. He was talking the talk, even giving her something of the eye, but she'd been through this many times before and startlingly realized his gaze never actually really swept her up and down, undressing her as so many of them did. Like Sam, when he looked at you, he did it in the face, acknowledging you existed. It was rather surprising and definitely strange, especially with the words coming from his mouth. When Sam told her his brother wasn't shy, this looked to have been somewhat of an understatement.

Behind all this though came the awareness that all she did have on was her cut grey Smurf t-shirt and red and white short shorts. Definitely not proper attire to meet your lover's brother in. "Just let me go put something on."

"Oh no, no, I wouldn't dream of it. _Seriously_."

Again the words coming from Dean's mouth didn't match his actual actions. His gaze never left hers. Was it some odd Winchester trait? And how could they spread it to others?

Jess threw a glance in Sam's direction and noticed he had a very serious look on his face. This gave her a small pang of worry. What time was it? Had Dean called before coming over?

"Anyway, I gotta borrow your boyfriend here to talk about some private family business." Dean stepped back toward Sam. "But nice meeting _you_!" He pointed at her again, giving her a truly goofy smile. And he was Sam's _older_ brother? She tried to return the smile but wasn't quite sure what kind to give him.

Sam was looking tense. He stared toward her and suddenly said, "No." He came over to stand by her, looking displeased by Dean's obvious dismissal. "No. Whatever you've got to say, you can say it in front of her."

Sam put a protective arm across her shoulders.

She was happy he was defending her like this, but felt lost all the same. There were family dynamics here she knew nothing about and it seemed that she'd just been put in the middle of them.

"Okay." Dean turned to face them both. "Uhm, Dad hasn't been home in a few days."

Jess glanced at Sam to gage his reaction.

"So, he's working overtime on the Miller time shift. He'll stumble back sooner or later."

Sam's barely repressed anger and sarcasm were almost painful. It spoke of many nights of worrying and lack of calls. It brought home again how truly little she knew of her scholar's past.

Dean nodded as if having expected no less than this kind of reply, yet still seemed disappointed anyway. He tried again.

"Dad's on a _hunting trip_. And he hasn't been home in a few days." Though the words in themselves hadn't changed much, it was the way he said them and the serious look in his eyes, which made them more. But why?

She felt Sam stiffen beside her, a pall of anxiety suddenly radiating from him. His voice turned cold. "Jess, excuse us. We have to go outside."

She was stunned by the sudden turn. But she did nothing except watch them leave, sensing that both men were wound up and tense, but not at each other. She had no idea what to make of it.

Jess paced in the living for a while, waiting, then headed back to the bedroom. She hadn't been able to make any more sense of all of this than before.

She was in the bathroom when she finally heard Sam come back. Her mind worked fervently on how she might ask questions about what went on without seeming like she was prying, when she slipped out of the bathroom. Sam had grabbed a bag and looked to be packing to leave. "Wait. You're taking off?" This wasn't like him! "Is this about your dad? Is he all right?"

"Yeah. Just a little family drama."

She didn't know what to make of it. She'd never gotten these odd of vibes from Sam before. He made it sound like this was nothing, but her intuition said it was anything but. "Your brother said he's on some kind of hunting trip?" She sat down on the bed as Sam grabbed more stuff out of the dresser. Caressing the leather bag, she wondered if she should ask to go with him and if she did if he'd think she'd only get in the way.

"Ah, yeah, he's just deer hunting up at the cabin. Has probably got Jim, Jack, and Jose along with him. I'm just going to go bring him back."

She couldn't help but notice he didn't look at her as he said any of this. He was trying to act nonchalant though he was obviously coiled tight with tension. He was keeping things from her and it stung. "What about the interview?"

This finally got him to look at her, but only for a moment or two. "I'll make the interview." He laughed as if it were a no brainer. "This is only for a couple of days."

Jess got up and followed after him as he moved the bag. He couldn't seem to stay still. "Sam, ah… Please, stop for a second."

He did and for the first time looked at her fully.

"You're sure you're okay?"

He laughed a little. She was making him nervous, and not in a good way. "I'm fine."

She thought he was anything but. "It's just… you won't ever talk about your family, and now you're taking off to go spend the weekend with them? And with Monday coming up… Which is kind of a huge deal…"

He stared dead at her. "Everything's going to be okay. I will be back in time. I promise." He leaned forward and gave her a peck on the cheek.

Somehow this just made her feel that much worse about all this. "At least tell me where you're going."

She was forced to follow after him as he rushed out of the room.

"Jericho, north of the national park." He never slowed down, just throwing the information over his shoulder.

He was leaving her. Things weren't right. "Sam!"

He stopped, his hand already on the doorknob, and glanced back at her.

She wasn't sure what he saw in her face, but he abruptly dropped the bag and came over to her then took her in his arms.

"I'll be back, I promise."

She leaned against him, now that she had him not wanting to let him go.

"I just figured the sooner we got this over with, the sooner I could come home."

She hugged him hard, tempted not to let him go anyway, then released him and stepped back. He would be all right -- she had to believe that. And Dean was with him. Sam had spoken enough about his brother for her to know he'd watch over him. "Just be careful, all right?"

"Absolutely. We have our whole lives ahead of us." He bent forward and this time gave her a proper kiss. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Then he was gone.

Jess hurried back to the bedroom and moved the curtains outside to look out into the street. She was just in time to see a black car pull away from the curve and drive off into the lonely night.


	18. Chapter 18

Jess tried to keep busy on Saturday, even going so far as cleaning the apartment, one of her least favorite chores. This was the first time she'd been apart from Sam for more than a few hours and it made her feel totally out of sorts.

Then a large looming set of clouds rolled into the area in the afternoon as if mirroring her dampened mood. Lighting dotted the clouds as afternoon turned into evening. Jess was eating dinner alone when the rain finally started.

It rattled against the windows with fierce winds, the type of creepy night you would expect to be perfect for a Halloween slasher flick. It only helped to make her feel even more nervous about being alone.

A pillow and a blanket were her only companions as she watched a couple of B movies on TV.

She almost jumped out of her skin as a heavy knocking boomed through the apartment. Rushing to her feet, she thought it might be Sam, until she realized he wouldn't have knocked but would have just come in. Who in their right mind would drop by for a visit on a night like this?

She raised the blind a little on the window next to the door and took a peek. There was a man standing there in a long raincoat, his dark hair plastered to his head from the rain, water dripping on the floor. She didn't think she recognized him, though something about him seemed familiar. She opened the door a crack.

A lightning bolt almost instantly followed by a clap of thunder rumbled through the air outside, deafening even inside the protected stairwell. She was forced to wait several seconds before saying anything, her ears ringing. "Yes?"

The man had a short, scruffy looking beard, and very intense eyes. She was sure she'd seen him somewhere.

"I'm looking for Sam Winchester." The stranger's voice had a nice deep timber to it.

"I'm sorry, he's not here right now."

"Do you know when he'll be back?" There was something oddly intense about the way he asked.

"I doubt it'll be today. He left on a family emergency with his brother very early this morning." She considered letting him in, but with no one else there she decided against it. "Did you want to leave a message?"

"No, that's alright. Thank you very much for your time." He nodded toward her then started to turn away.

"Excuse me! Have we met? You seem very familiar."

The stranger hesitated, but then turned back to answer the question. "No, I'm sorry. I don't think we have." With that he dipped his head as if tipping a hat and left.

Jess closed the door feeling vaguely dissatisfied. She was sure she'd seen the man before somewhere, or someone like him. But where?

She turned away from the door then came to a dead stop. Her gaze fell on the picture Sam kept in the front room, the only photo of his family she'd ever seen. She stared at his father's clean shaven face getting an odd feeling of Déjà vu. With more lines on his face and a beard, wouldn't he be a dead ringer for the man she just saw?

She ran to the bedroom to see if she could see him from the window. The street was deserted except for the falling rain. She let the curtain fall, her brow furrowed. Surely she was wrong. If Sam and Dean had gone up to Jericho to find their father, there was no way he would be here. Could the man have been an uncle, perhaps? Because surely Sam would have called if they'd not found him up there, right?

Jess returned to the kitchen for her cell phone. She tried to dial Sam, but couldn't get a signal. The storm must be interfering with the service. She set the phone back, not sure she should try to call anyway. What would she say? There was a stranger here looking for you and he might have been your father? She would wait until he got back tomorrow and then mention it, once she'd gotten the scoop on how things had gone in Jericho.

The storms were over by morning, giving way to clear cloudless skies. Jess worked on her unfinished abstract painting project, willing the hours to hurry past. The bed had felt wrong without Sam's weight and radiating warmth, and she'd not slept well. So much for being an independent woman. She was sure Sam would tease her about it when she told him after he got back.

Grocery shopping and laundry whittled away a few more hours. Sam hadn't called, so she could only assume everything was okay. On a whim, she decided to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies to welcome him back with. She set the plate on the kitchen table where he couldn't miss it and added a note just in case. A preview of the warm welcome she hoped to give him when he got back.

The Smurf t-shirt and shorts wouldn't do for tonight. A slinky number was called for to make Sam glad to be back and sorry to have gone. A mischievous grin grew on her face. She'd show him who was naughty and nice.

She dug around in the closet until she found something suitable. She'd make him relax until he forgot all about the family drama and too happy to worry about the meeting on Monday.

All she had to do now was wait for him to show. The hardest part of all. She curled up in bed with a book and willed him to hurry.

Jess heard a noise somewhere in the apartment and sat up straight. Was her scholar finally back? Her heart speeded up at the prospect as she got out of bed. "Sam, is that you?"

She got no response and didn't hear any other sounds. Then the light next to the bed flickered, making little noises. That was odd. It stopped after a moment then did it again. She glanced out from her room and noticed the lights she'd left on for Sam were flickering as well.

"Hello?" Goose bumps covered her arms and legs. Everything seemed suddenly unnaturally quiet, like the silence before a storm. She glanced quickly around the room, trying to find anything she might use as a weapon. She quickly grabbed a pair of scissors off the art bench. She couldn't get rid of the feeling someone was in the apartment.

Gingerly, she approached the bedroom's doorway, the scissors feeling horribly inadequate. She gasped and took a step back as a dark form seemed to materialize right in front of her.

Not letting herself think, she brought forth Big Bad Jessica and thrust forward at the dark figure.

Her arm froze halfway to its target. A pair of yellow eyes appeared to glow out of the darkness from the region of the figure's face. She saw the person's hand move and abruptly she was lifted off her feet to hang from the air, the scissors falling harmlessly to the floor. Fear and confusion shot through her, even as her body was turned in midair and then sent to slam flat against the bedroom wall.

Stars flew in front of her eyes, and though she struggled, she couldn't free herself. She was like a bug caught in flypaper. It shouldn't have been possible!

The figure from the hall sauntered into the room. The light revealed a man with light colored hair, probably in his late forties or early fifties. He would probably have been considered winsome if not for the distinctly inhuman yellow eyes and the sadistic smile on his face.

"Who are you? How are you doing _this_?"

He ignored her frantic questions, taking his time to undress her with his almost reptilian looking eyes. "You are a pretty one, I must admit. He does seem to have rather good taste."

Her heart lurched in her chest as she realized he was talking about Sam. "What do you want?" She tried to keep the near panic from her voice, but wasn't sure how successful she'd been.

He gave her a teeth filled smile. "Rather direct, aren't you? I like that. As to what I want…" He turned from her and then sat down at the edge of their bed, his gaze locking with hers. "That would be your boyfriend."

Jess felt her blood turn cold. "He's not here and he's not coming back! So leave!" Who was this thing? Why did he want Sam? None of this should be happening!

The man chuckled with amusement. "Oh I know exactly where he is. Even now, he's on the road with his brother, eagerly on his way back home to you." He leaned back, using his arms to prop himself on the bed, totally at ease. "I'm just here to prepare a little present for him."

He nodded once and Jess felt her body move. It rose up the wall sideways then continued to travel over the ceiling. The man leaned further and further back on the bed as if figuring out her proper placement, like you would a hanging lamp or ceiling fan.

"You, you leave Sam alone!" Fear covered her from head to toe, never having felt so helpless, not even when Roger attacked her outside the apartment. Everything she was experiencing should have been impossible.

"Oh don't worry. I don't plan on doing anything to your precious _scholar_."

Jess's eyes widened, never having told a soul of her nickname for her lover. Terror tinged dread made her skin prickle.

"You see, Sammy is very important to me. I have plans for him. Big plans." The yellow eyes focused on her arm and she felt it move of its own volition, straightening out to the side. "But his coming here to Stanford, and especially meeting you, these things are spoiling him, taking him in a direction I don't want." Her other arm moved, also splaying to the side. "He has a destiny, our little Sammy. One I've gone to some trouble and time to set up just right." Her left leg swung out then bent up at the knee. No matter how much effort she put into it, she couldn't stop it from moving. "But you and I are going to fix it so he goes right back to where he needs to be. Honing his skills, toughening up. Time is running out and I need him to be ready."

"I won't help you! Whatever it is you think you want Sam to do, he won't!"

He laughed at her again. "Well, when I said you and I, I was only being polite. You have no say in this whatsoever, in case you haven't already noticed."

Jess's scalp tingled, an odd rustling sound coming to her ears. She realized after a moment that her hair was moving, fanning out around her head. She was being shaped, molded, to make some kind of specific image.

The man pursed his lips. "Not a bad composition, if I do say so myself. Should seem quite familiar to him when he sees it." He stared right at her. "You were wrong about his nightmares having to do with his LSAT's you see. They were actually about you and tonight. Nothing like a little angst and guilt to get someone truly motivated, don't you think?" He turned his head one way and then another. "Perfect."

Sam had dreamt of this? Of what this _thing_ was doing to her?

The man got off the bed.

To her surprise, he picked up her book, placed the bookmark on the correct page, and set it on the nightstand. Then he neatly remade the bed.

"Please, whatever this is about, don't do this!" He was going to kill her. She didn't know how she knew, but she was more certain of it than she'd been of anything in her life. And she had the horrible sinking feeling, this thing meant for Sam to see it. Tears of fear and desperation gathered in her eyes.

"Now, now, we can't have that." Another wave of his hand and she felt herself totally freeze. Her eyes were locked staring down at the bed, and she could no longer move a single muscle, not even to speak. "It's not good to tamper with perfection."

Jess screamed, but the sound only echoed in her mind, her mouth doing nothing. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the man walk off into the bathroom. Moments later she heard him flick on the light and then the shower. He then came back out into the room.

"Oh, by the way, love the plate of cookies and the sappy note. They'll add just the right touch. Couldn't have planned it better myself. So thanks for that."

She wailed inside. She didn't want to die. She had plans for her life, plans for Sam. She didn't want him to see her like this. She willed with all her heart for him not to come home tonight.

The man grinned up at her. "Ah, I think I hear the patter of little Sammy's feet coming up the stairs. So let me do one last little thing, then I can leave you love birds alone to get on with the festivities." He raised his right arm, and pointed a finger at her belly.

She felt a line of burning pain rake across it. The hairs on her body felt like they were standing on end, pressure gathering around the pain and spreading about her.

His arm came down. "All set then. Nice to have met you, Jessica Lee Moore. The pleasure, I am sure, was all mine."

With a last deep throated chuckle he was gone.

Sam! _Sam_! Jess focused every once of her will and tried to scream. She needed to warn him. She needed to keep him out of here. She didn't know or understand what had been done to her, but she knew it was bad. She had to let him know.

"Jess? You home?"

Her heart jumped in her chest. Get out! Get out, Sam!

She spotted his familiar long legged frame down on her left as he came into the room a minute or so later, eating the last bite of a cookie. She saw him look toward the bathroom noticing the light and the sounds from the shower and assume she was in there. His shoulders relaxed. No, Sam! No!

He sat on the edge of the bed and sighed with relief, practically in the identical spot as the yellow eyed man. He closed his eyes and dropped back with another pleased sigh, then placed his hands behind his head. Her soul cried as she saw his expression of contentment, his happiness at being back home.

Something dark dropped on his forehead and he moved first one way and then the other as a second one fell. Jess had no choice but to watch as Sam finally opened his eyes and horror swept over his face as he noticed her on the ceiling. "No!"

Sam crawled backwards up the bed, recognition and terror marking every bit of him.

The pressure Jess felt before returned and then was abruptly released. A strange whooshing sound came out from behind her. Bright tendrils of flame reached down and around, enveloping her like a protective lover.

"_Jess_!"

Sam's pain pierced through her as he cowered from the fire and tried to protect himself, yet he never looked away from her or made a move to leave her.

She could feel the flames consuming her from without and within, but she didn't feel any physical pain. Her soul, however, was screaming.

"Sam. Sam!" Dean ran up to the bedroom's doorway, throwing up his arms at the flames licking about the room.

Sam was still on the bed, frozen as he continued to stare at her burning form. "No. No."

Her spirit soared as Dean suddenly dashed inside the room and grabbed his brother. Forcibly, he pushed him back toward the door, even as Sam struggled to reach out toward her. "Jess, _no_!"

The room became nothing but flames. Yet the look of utter misery and pain on Sam's face was all Jess could see.

Then there was a soft voice whispering to her from the right. "Come, child. Your time here is done."

She turned though she no longer had a body, and found she could move. A bright light was spilling from the corner of the ceiling, a dozen times brighter than the fire's most intense flame.

She stared at it, feeling waves of comfort and warmth coming from the light. She turned her head the other way, though, still able to hear Sam's screams of denial. Jess looked at the light again.

"Come, child."

Then there was another voice. One that rang only in her mind. '_Don't go. He needs you._'

"_Jess_!" The wailing torment in Sam's voice tugged at her, her love for him weeping at his pain.

Sam didn't know about the yellow eyed man. Sam didn't know all this was done to push him in another direction. The man meant him harm. She knew this, felt it to the core of her being. He wanted to twist and destroy that which made Sam, Sam. She would not have it.

"No, child. Come to us."

Jess didn't acknowledge the light, but turned her back on it. She walked away, only one thing on her mind – Sam needed her. Somehow, someway, she'd let him know her love for him was still alive.

Things in the world weren't as she had always thought them. She'd learned that the hard way that night. But she would use this knowledge, she would learn, just as she always had, for nothing was impossible. She would find a way to protect him. She had to.

For Sam.

The End

Notes: Reedited 2009. Hopefully fixed a couple of awkward places. Editing is never over! (Had hoped by this time Jess would be used again in the show aside from the peek of her we got when Sam saw her on the street…but no dice…)


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